Coming Home
by gizmo8us
Summary: Harry returns to the wizarding world after being away for eight years. regularly updated once again, after about a three year hiatus.HPGW
1. Chapter 1

A gentle breeze blew knocking a few flakes of snow down from their perch in the trees. Everything was white, covered in snow. The moonlight seemed to reflect off of it, making the night appear almost as bright as daylight.

Harry Potter could just make out the top of the burrow from where he had apporated. He had come here many times over the last few years. He never made any farther than where he was now. He hadn't been able to make himself take even one step closer. He hadn't been ready to return to the wizarding world until now. He felt like a coward for running away from all of it without so much as a word to anyone. After Voldermort was defeated, he needed to get away, to back up from his life and see where it was going. So after graduating from Hogwart's school of Witchcraft and Wizardy he left. He left to try and discover what he really wanted out of life, to find out who he really was. And as he was sure he would eventually, he had returned to the Burrow and all the people that had missed him so much.

It had taken five years for the owl's to stop arriving daily, five years before his friends had finally decided that he really didn't want to be found. He wondered if they would understand his need to pull back from the life that was thrust upon him. He wondered if they would forgive him for running away from them like he had. If the many howlers Ms. Weasly had sent him was any indication, he wasn't sure they would even let him back in. But with his new life falling apart, he had to try. He couldn't stand how much he missed everyone anymore. He had to face the fact that they might hate him and try to find a way to make it up to them.

Settling his eyes on his destination, he squared his shoulders, took a deep breath and took off at a determined speed. Snow drifted out of the trees and landed on his long, black leather trench coat. Maybe he shouldn't be showing up on Christmas Eve this way. Maybe since he was an outsider now he wouldn't be welcome to intrude on their holiday the way he once had been.

No, he told himself sternly. There will be no excuses this time, no backing out. He had created the problem and now he was going to try and fix it.

Harry had gotten close enough that he could see a small child playing in the living room window. He wondered who the little girl belonged to. The shock of fiery red hair told him without a doubt that she was a Weasly. Maybe she was Bill's daughter, or one of the twins. Perhaps even Ron's.

Then his heart lurched a bit, like it always did when he thought about Ginny. He held no expectations that she was even around much less unattached. That was a ship that had sailed before it even left port. He knew ending their relationship was the best thing. He had to keep her safe and nothing was safe if it was around him. But he still looked at Ginny with a tinge of regret.

He physically shook his head to clear such thoughts from his mind, causing several snowflakes to drift onto his shoulders.

"Who is it? " Ms. Weasly's voice called from the front door. "Ginny, is that you? "

Her voice was tense and a little high pitched.

Harry took a deep breath, drawing the freezing air into his lungs and stepped into the light from the door way.

"No, it isn't Ginny. "He answered, quietly.

Ms. Weasly simple stared at him for several long minutes like she was frozen in place.

Harry didn't move, waiting for her to scream at him to go away or invite him inside. A moment later he heard footsteps approaching the door.

"What is it, Mom? " Ron's voice said, as he stepped up behind her. Then he peered out into the yard and his eyes fell on Harry. He too stood staring for what seemed an eternity.

Ms. Weasly was the first to find her voice.

"Harry? "She asked, almost doubtfully.

"Yes. "He answered. "It's me. "

A high pitched squeal erupted from behind Ron's shoulder and before he could react, he was laying on his back in the snow with a very excited Hermoine straddling him, her arms wrapped so tightly around his neck he was almost unable to breathe. The next thing he knew she was being lifted off of him and Ron was standing over him with his hand out.

"She's must be off her meds today. Sorry, mate. "Ron chuckled, as Harry took his hand and stood up.

He had called him mate. Harry's heart soared for a minute, but he quickly pushed it back down trying to be cautious.

"Where have you been? " Ms. Weasly asked coming up to him and launching herself at him as well.

"I've been around. "He answered vaguely, enjoying her arms around him and hugging her back just as enthusiastically.

She pulled back from him and looked into his eyes. "I'll let that go for now, because you're freezing to death out here, but I want the full story once we get you inside and warmed up. "She told him sternly.

Harry smiled at her and nodded in agreement. Hermoine was beside him again, throwing her arms around his neck but managing this time to not knock him to the ground. He embraced her tightly and they both just stood there for a long moment.

"I've missed you so much. "She finally whispered in his ear and hugged him even tighter.

"I've missed you, too, Moine. I've missed everyone so much. "He said, feeling the beginnings of tears burning at the corners of his eyes.

Ron was once again pulling Hermoine away from him and ushering her towards the house, while Ms. Weasly took charge of Harry.

Once inside, he was directed towards the table where Arthur Weasly sat reading a muggle paper and sipping at something with steam coming out of the cup.

"Arthur, look what just turned up on our doorstep." Ms. Weasly said as she pushed Harry towards a chair.

Mr. Weasly folded the corner of the paper down and peered over the top of it, his eyes unrecognizing at first. Then realization began to sink in and a smile slowly spread across his face.

Harry was having much the same reaction. He hadn't noticed it on Ms. Weasly or even Ron and Hermoine, but the years away certainly showed on Mr. Weasly. Gray streaked the temples of his always unruly red hair, his eyes were a bit sunken and his skin tone seemed paler than it had before.

"Good Heavens, "Mr. Weasly muttered almost unconsciously as he continued to stare at Harry. " How long has it been, Son? "

Son, Harry's heart leaped again, first Mate and now Son. Harry was starting to feel as if he had never left.

"Eight years, Sir. " Harry answered as he sat down in the chair Ms. Weasly was pushing him into. She yanked the scarf from around his neck and hung it on a rack by the door that housed many different coats and other cold weather garments.

"That's quite a long time. " Mr. Weasly stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Yes, it is, Sir. "

"What have you been doing with yourself? "He asked, putting the paper aside, but not taking his eyes off of Harry.

"I've been living in New York. " Harry offered.

"You've been in America all this time. I never thought about America. We looked all over Europe. I think Neville might have tried America, but nothing ever came of it. "

Mr. Weasly acted as if he was talking to himself more than to Harry and Harry let him continue without interrupting.

Ms. Weasly sat a steaming cup down in front of him and looked at her husband indulgently. "He gets this way sometimes. " She whispered to Harry. "Since losing Fred and Ginny taking off and of course …" she stopped herself before saying 'and you leaving 'but Harry heard it anyway. "He's just not himself anymore. Sometimes he's clear as a bell, others he's crazy as a loon. "

Mr. Weasly was still rambling on about all the places the Order had searched for Harry.

Harry's face had turned to horror as he watched, guilt swept over him, hitting him on the head like an anvil in a child's cartoon.

"I made him like this? " Harry whispered disgustedly.

Ms. Weasly stopped what she was doing and turned to face Harry directly.

"Harry, you didn't cause this. Please don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault and no one here blames you. "She insisted.

"But I helped. I helped when I ran away. I didn't think about it before I took off. I was so selfish. "Harry admonished.

Ms. Weasly opened her mouth to protest but a voice behind him interrupted her.

"Yes, you were. "

Ron's eyes had harden as he Harry turned to look at him. He was no longer wearing the stunned bemused looked he had before. Now he was angry and Harry couldn't blame him in the least.

"Ronald, "Ms. Weasly hissed. " We mustn't make Harry feel badly, this isn't his fault at all. "

" I am not going to lie to him because we're afraid he'll run away again. He was selfish and childish and let a lot of people down. Surely I'm not telling him anything he doesn't already know. " Ron answered with his arms crossed over his chest.

"No, I know all those things. The only thing I can say is I'm sorry. I have no excuse for my actions." Harry admitted guiltily.

"I think you at least owe us all an explanation. It might have been different if you had come to us and explained that you were leaving, but sending owls, that's was just bloodly stupid. I never pegged you for a coward before. I guess I was wrong. "

Harry sat quietly and let him rant. He had no argument. There was nothing he could say to make up for what he had done. He had expected this reaction from his friend. And Ron had right every right to his anger. Harry was stupid and cowardly and everything he was being accused of.

"We searched for you for five long years. We looked everywhere, followed every lead. Ginny and I did nothing for five years but look for you. We put our careers, our families, our entire lives on hold for you. Even after Ginny gave up and finally moved on I kept looking. " Ron continued, getting out all the pent up frustration and pain Harry's disappearance had caused him and the people he cared about.

Tears burned Harry's eyes. He tried to hold back, but it was impossible. He felt the wetness streamed down his cheeks in twin rivers and batted at them with the back of his hand absently.

Ron regarded him for a moment and his tone suddenly shifted. He came behind Harry's chair and rested his hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Mate. I'm glad you're back, really I am. But we were so worried and you didn't even owl us to let us know you were still okay."

Harry sighed and turned his face towards Ron's for the first time since the outburst began. He looked older as well and a little haggard. Harry was instantly reminded of Professor Lupin and his stomach lunge painfully. He offered him a weak smile. And his best friend returned it with genuine affection.

"I am so sorry I caused so much trouble. " Harry said in a quiet voice.

"Why did you leave like that? " Molly asked, sitting down beside him and covering his hands with hers.

Harry heard shuffling at the door and turned to see Hermoine sticking her head in the kitchen doorway. Every eye was on Harry and he was pretty sure he could hear what he imaged was George right outside the door, listening.

"I had to get away for a while. I didn't mean to be gone for so long but then one thing lead to another and another and another and before I knew it six years had passed. I just needed to find out what it felt like to just be me for a bit, not the chosen one or the boy who lived or even the Dursley's whipping boy, just Harry." He told them, offering them the speech that he had been preparing for just this moment.

"What things lead to other things? " Hermoine asked from his side. He shifted his attention from Ms. Weasly to her and smiled.

"I met a girl. " he replied sheepishly.

George toppled into the room at hearing this and landed in a pile at Harry's feet. "A muggle girl ? " He asked, standing up.

"Yeah, a muggle. It didn't work out though. We've been separated for almost a year now. "Harry answered.

"Separated ? " Ms. Weasly gasped. "You're married ? "

"Not quite. We lived together for five years and she kept pressuring me to marry her but I just couldn't without being honest with her about who I am and I couldn't bring myself to tell her. Anyway to make a long, miserable story short, we aren't together and haven't been in a while. "

"Look, Molly Dear, everyone is here. " Mr. Weasly said out of nowhere. "Is it Christmas yet? Where are Bill and Charlie and little Ginny ? Ginny is coming isn't she ? It's been so long. "

Ms. Weasly gave him that same indulgent smile and sighed. "Dear, Charlie is working and can't make it. Bill is upstairs putting Victoire to bed, and it won't be Christmas until tomorrow. "

Ron went to his father and patted him on the shoulder. "Let's get you up to bed, Dad. The sooner we get you to sleep the sooner Christmas will be here. "

Arthur rose from his chair and followed Ron out of the room.

Harry turned back to Ms. Weasly, a worried frown on his brow. "Where is Ginny? I'd really like to talk to her. " He asked.

"I'm not really sure where she is. She comes and goes flits in and out. Last I saw her was last summer; she was living in Morocco with some Quidditch player. I was really expecting her when I found you. She usually at least shows up for Christmas. "Ms. Weasly answered distantly. "I'm sure you and Ron and Hermoine have a lot to catch up on so we will just leave you to it. I need to go and check on Teddy." She said, standing and adjusting the red apron she wore over her floral dress.

Harry smiled and nodded, "I'm really glad to be home. "

Molly turned to him with a slight frown on her brow. "You do consider this your home, don't you, Harry ? "

"Yes, Ma'am, I do. " Harry assured her.

"Good, Dear. "she answered, patting his shoulder again, " Because no matter what you will always be part of this family. "

Harry felt his eyes watering again but this time he was able to keep his emotions in check.

"I really appreciate that. " he told her.

"Alright now, everybody scoot. Let's give them some time alone. "She announced as she ushered everyone but Hermoine out of the kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry Potter was happy for the first time in what seemed like years. Sitting in the Weasley's kitchen, looking at Hermoine beaming back at him with the fire in the corner warming him so delightfully, he couldn't remember the last time he felt so good.

It was the day you left these people, you stupid git, a small voice in his head mocked him. He had grown very accustomed to the voice over the past years. It was like a constant companion for him. Telling him how stupid and irresponsible he was, telling him how badly he had messed up by leaving all the people he loved, telling him he ought to appreciate all the people that loved him in return instead of turning his back on them the way he had. Yes, he was quite familiar with the little voice in his head.

The mention of Teddy, his Godson had brought the voice into the forefront of his consciousness. Teddy was a huge source of guilt for him. He had made a promise in accepting Professor Lupin's request to be his Godfather. It was a promise he had broken in the worse way when he left the way he did.

In rare moments when he was trying to make himself feel better, he told himself that he had always planned on returning to the Wizarding World again someday and leaving was his way of making himself the kind of man Teddy deserved in his life. But these were rare moments indeed. Most of the time he just felt as if he had turned his back on his responsibility to the young boy, leaving him behind with the rest of his life, as if they meant nothing to him.

Harry knew he would never be able to explain to them why he had to leave like he did. None of them could ever imagine what it was to be him. Even as the thought crossed his mind, he realized how selfish it made him sound. He never wanted to be one of those people. The ones that seemed to do nothing but whine about how terrible their life was and how hard things were for them.

But he knew that was exactly what he had become, a pitiful excuse for the man he wanted to be. It was one of the reasons he had been so unhappy with Samantha. He saw what he had become and he hated it. And he grew to hate her for loving who he was. It didn't make sense even to him, but it was how he felt.

He had turned into the direct opposite of everything he wanted to be. He wasn't strong and brave like Sirius. He wasn't noble and kind, like his father or loving and kind like his mother. He was nothing resembling wise and dignified like Dumbledore had been. He could almost see them all looking down on him with disapproving, disappointed eyes.

Now he was tired of disappointing them. It was time he began being the person they thought he could be. The person they knew he was inside. Because deep down, whether he accepted it or not, he wasn't ordinary, he wasn't just another guy. He was special. He was the Boy who lived, the Chosen One, the Boy who conquered. And it was high time he accepted that about himself, not just accepted it, embraced it and became the person he was meant to be.

That was why he returned. He came back because he was ready to do just that. He had a responsibility to the people of the Wizarding community. He was a symbol. An icon for their belief that good could triumph over evil, that even the smallest champion could prevail if they truly believed in what they were fighting for. These people needed to believe in something and they had chosen to believe in him.

And what had he done in return for their admiration and adoration ? He turned and ran as fast as his feet could carry him, as far away as he could get. He didn't deserve their respect anymore. He didn't deserve to be revere like he was sure he still was. He was no longer the man they thought he was, but he was willing to try to start over and begin to live up to their expectations for him. It was time. It was past time in fact, for him to grow up and accept the life he had been given.

" I can't wait for Ron to get back. " Hermoine wiggled in her seat as she covered his hands with hers. She hadn't let herself lose some sort of physical contact with him since his arrival on the doorstep. It was like she was afraid if she let him go for even a moment, he would disappear again. " Tell me about this girl you met. "

He shrugged and slumped heavily into his chair. " She was just a girl. Her name was Samantha and it ended badly. "

Her face fell at that and she shifted. " I'm so sorry, Harry. You deserve to be happy. I hate that you had to endure even more pain. "

He gave her a weak smile and shrugged again. " Life is all about the pain. It's how we learn, right ? "

She eyed his gravely. " Life shouldn't all be about pain, Harry. Although I suppose I could see how you would see it that way. After all you've been through. But believe me, there is happiness in life as well."

He nodded. " I know that, Moine. It wasn't all bad. It just ended that way. We had plenty of good times. "

He looked down at her hands laying over his and spied the plain gold band on the ring finger of her left hand. His mind whirled as he thought about the implication of what he was seeing.

" Hermoine, you got married ! " He exclaimed, excitedly.

She took her hand away and held it in front of her face, twisting the band on her finger. " I got married five years ago. And we have a little girl. Her name is Rose and she's two now. Looks just like her father. "

Harry shifted slightly as the guilt washed over him once again. " And who is the lucky guy ? " he asked after a moment.

" Harry ! " she smiled at him. " Of course, I'm married to Ron. How could you not know that ! "

Harry just blinked at her for a moment, trying to assimilate her words into his brain.

The guilt was a raging force within him now. His best friends were married and he had missed it. Not just the getting married, but the whole getting to that point. He wasn't there for it. Hermoine had Ginny. He was sure she had been there for her while she was trying to sort of her evolving feelings for the man she knew as her friend. But who had been there for Ron during that kind of emotional upheaval. He was afraid the answer was no one.

How could he have abandoned him like that ? Harry imagined it couldn't have been easy for Ron to cross the line from friendship to love. He had never been much on understanding his emotions anyway and that was a complicated situation for anyone to have to deal with. He hated that he hadn't been there to help him deal. He hated that he hadn't been there to be his best man. He wondered who he had chosen in his place. In his minds eye, he couldn't imagine anyone else standing there with Ron on that day, keeping him from fidgeting and making sure he had the ring he needed.

It should have been him, there. A wave of jealousy towards who ever he had chosen swept over him. Then there was the baby. How had Ron dealt with impending fatherhood ? Harry knew he should have been by his side. Telling him what a great father he was going to be, passing out the cigars in the waiting room of the hospital. He had missed so much.

He wasn't surprised that their lives had gone on without him. His had. Why shouldn't their's ? It was natural. Although somewhere in the back of his mind, he had hoped when he returned that everything would be the same as he left it. It was another selfish thought he quickly squelched. He was happy for Ron and Hermoine. They deserved to be happy together, even if it had all gone on with him to watch it.

" I saw her. " He muttered as he realized the child in the window had probably been Rose.

" You saw who ? " Hermoine asked, confusion furrowing her brow.

" Rose. " he explained sitting up a little straighter in his chair. " I saw her in the window when I came up. She's a beautiful little girl. You must be very proud. "

She laughed and waved her hand in the air. " I'm not nearly as bad as Ron. According to him, that little girl hung the moon and decided where all the stars should be placed. I can't wait for her to meet you. You're going to love her. People tell me she's just like me, but with just a smidgen of Ginny thrown in. That's where she gets her temper. And she's got a huge one. She can be such a prat sometimes. "

Harry perked up at the mention of Ginny's name but only for an instant before stamping the feelings back down where they belonged as quickly as he could.

He had no illusions about Ginny anymore. He imagined she hated him. Actually, he couldn't imagine her feeling any other way towards him. She was probably feeling more betrayed than anyone else and she had every right to feel that way. He had wronged her more than anyone else. Leaving her had been the hardest thing for him. She had awaken feelings in him he had never known before. His first real love. The things he felt for Cho had never even come close to what he felt for Ginny. She was everything he ever wanted, before he even knew he wanted it. His feeling for her had hit me out of the blue, taking him completely by surprise. And in his years away he had thought about her more than anyone else.

Ginny had actually been one of his biggest problems with Samantha. Samantha hadn't known that of course. But she was always there, with them. A quiet shadow hovering in his mind. Reminding him of the life he left behind, taunting him with memories of the life he had given up. She was always there.

He turned his eyes to the door as Ron blew into the room and sat down exhaustedly beside his wife.

Harry watched, unable to draw his eyes away as Hermoine leaned back against her husband and Ron rested his hand on her shoulder. It was such an innocent familiar gesture it caught him a little off guard. Seeing them like that was definitely going to take some getting used to.

" I was just telling Harry about Rose. " she said, glancing over her shoulder.

" She's something. So smart and funny and such a beauty. Looks just like her Aunt Ginny. " Ron beamed. " I would go get her but I just put her to bed right before you got here. With Christmas Eve and all, I'm amazed I got her to sleep at all. "

Harry waved him off. " No, it's fine. I'll meet her tomorrow. If its okay that I stay tonight. "

Hermoine stood up quickly. " Of course it's fine for you to stay. You bunk in Ginny's room. She absolutely isn't going to get in tonight. "

" Are you certain ? I don't want to put anyone out. " Harry said, quietly, his stomach churning at the thought of spending the night in a room that held Ginny's presences so strongly.

Ron stood as well. " No, Moine is right. Ginny isn't coming in tonight. Mum will be up in arms over that. But you can use her room. It's not a problem. "

Hermoine left for a moment to tell Mrs. Weasly about the arrangements leaving Ron and Harry looking at each other gravely.

Ron took the seat Hermoine had vacated and stared over at him. " So, You met a girl, huh ? "

Harry nodded. " Yeah, and you married Hermoine. "

" Yeah, " Ron sighed and sat back, stretching his long legs out in front of him. " This is a little strange, huh ? "

Harry blinked. " What's a little strange ? "

" It's just weird that we can't think of anything to say to one another after eight years. It would seem like we would have loads to talk about." He commented.

Harry shrugged his broad shoulders and forced a weak smile. " Yeah, I guess it is a little strange. " Then he sat forward and rested his elbows on the table in front of him. " Look, Mate, I'm sorry. I know I've already said that but I really mean it. I can't even tell you how sorry I am. I should have let everyone know that I was okay. I should have sent an owl every once in a while to keep in touch. I just... " he let the rest of his thought trail off as Hermoine came back into the room.

" You just what ? " Ron asked, looking at him intently.

" I thought if I sent an owl you might be able to find me, and I didn't want to be found. " he answered, in a burst of a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

" Don't you think if you had just told us you wanted to be left alone, we would have ? "

" No, I don't think you would. I think you searched for me for five years, like you said. I don't' think you would have let it go until you saw me face to face and I couldn't take that chance. " Harry tried to explained.

" What chance is that ? " Hermoine piped in as she sat down beside Ron.

" The chance that you would talk me into coming back her before I was ready to come back. "

" And why are you suddenly so ready to be back now ? " His best friend asked, leaning closer to him.

" It was just time to come home, can't that be enough for now ? " Harry answered cryptically.

" Well, " Ron leaned back again. " Since that's obviously all we're going to get for now., it will have to be enough. "

Harry approached the door at the end of the hall with a heavy step and even heavier heart. He wasn't sure he was ready for this, ready to be so completely emerged in the essence of Ginny. And as he opened the door. He was certain.

Her smell hit him immediately, filling him with the soft, flirty, flowery scent that always brought his mind to her. A bright scarlet and gold Gryffindor banner hung on the wall alongside several posters of Quiddich players. The small single bed in the corner was draped in a handmade quilt in dark, royal colors, a deep purple, a rich brown, and a beautiful gold that brought to Harry's mind the color of her hair. The quilt in general made him think of fall, of the colors of the leaves falling from the trees as the wind blew through them. It was so perfectly Ginny it brought a slight smile to his face. He had always reminded him of autumn. Most girls called to mind pinks and yellows and pretty blues. But not Ginny, Ginny was earth and nature and warmth and richness. From her golden hair to her sapphire blue eyes.

He stepped inside and shut the door behind him before walking to the bed and sitting on it gingerly. His eyes scanned the room, several pieces of mismatched furniture caught his attention but only for a moment before he moved on to the nest thing to take in. Then they landed on a photo frame on top of the wide chest of drawers.

He moved to it like it was drawing him closer by some invisible string, dragging him nearer. He sat inside the gold frame waving back at himself the way wizarding pictures always did. Ginny was in his arms, sitting on the steps of Hogwarts. The couple continually looked from him to each other and back again. His breath caught in his throat and he found himself unable to look away from the photo.

Finally drawing on some deep reserve of strength he wasn't aware he possessed, he reached his hand up and turned the frame face down on the chest. Then with a deep breath, he went back to the bed and sat, but only for a moment. This time it was a pile of clothes in the corner of the room that caught him. Once again he went to them, completely helpless to stop himself and distracted a shirt. He held it to his nose and inhaled deeply, drawing her scent into his very core, letting it take over all his senses. He hadn't truly appreciated how much he missed her until that moment.

It made him dizzy for a second and he shook his head to try and break free from the spell the room had seemingly spun over him.

Finally, he went back to the bed once again, stretching out this time and laying the shirt on the pillow beside his head. He laughed silently as he realized his feet were hanging off the end of the bed by a good four or five inches and he wondered if she did the same when she laid there. He doubted it. Ginny had always been a good deal shorter than him, in statue, but certainly not in attitude.

As he laid there, he closed his eyes and let his mind drift back to a much happier time in his life. The only happy time in his life, if he was completely honest with himself. It was the summer before his sixth year at Hogwarts. He had spent almost all of it here in this house surrounded by the only people he ever considered his family. And he realized that he had had no chance of not feeling the way he did about Ginny. She was so very different from his first crush, Cho. So very different from Samantha, for that matter. Both women were quiet and reserved, sweet and gentle. Ginny could never, by any stretch of the imagination, be described as quiet or reserved. She was a force, like a landslide, rumbling down on you before you even realized you were in danger of being buried alive by her. Her bluntness, her forthright honesty was so refreshing and wonderfully open, she made you not just want to be by her side, but made you unable to think of anything but her if she wasn't with you. Words could never describe all the things that made her uniquely Ginny. She had such a nerve, it was as if she wasn't afraid of anything or anyone. The freedom of her spirit lifted those around her, bringing them along on the high of simply being in her presence.

These were the thoughts racing through his mind as sleep overtook him and he drifted off, filled with images of the woman he still dreamed about every night.

He wasn't sure what had woken him, whether it was a sound or a movement, or simply the feeling of no longer being alone in the dark room, but he start and sat up abruptly, grabbing his wand and hissing the light spell into the darkness.

He blinked at the sudden light illuminating the tip of supple piece of wood in his hand.

And as his eyes adjusted he realized there was indeed someone else occupying the room. A dark shape stood against the door, stock still and completely silent, but he could tell from the outline of the shadow against the wall that however it was, they were looking at him. He could feel the eyes on him and a shiver ran up his spine as the shadow finally moved and stepped into the light.

" Harry ! " it was a breathless, exclamation, whispered into the darkness. The voice splitting the night like a knife.

Harry swallowed around a tongue that had suddenly grown to three times its normal size and lodged itself into his throat. He found himself unable to form a single thought as she took another step closer.

Dumbfounded, he sat up more completely and tapped his wand on the edge of the lamp beside the bed, causing it to bath the room in a soft yellow light.

Then he let his eyes rest on the figure before him and he blinked as tears instantly sprang to his eyes and his heart leaped in his chest.


	3. Chapter 3

Ginny Weasly was fairly certain she had never been so tired in her entire life. It was a weariness that seemed to seep into her very bones. With aching muscles and a throbbing head, she chose to sneak into her family's house through the back door, instead of coming through the front and announcing her presence. It was selfish she knew and her mother would be furious with her in the morning, but the morning was hours away and in the meantime, she figured she could at least get a little rest before the tirade she was certain she would have to endure.

So she made her way as quietly as she could up the stairs, stopping only for a moment to glance at the clock on the wall in the kitchen. It wasn't a normal clock, as most people think of clocks. This clock was a gift to her mother from her husband. A special clock, with a special function. Instead of hands, it showed the faces of all the Weasly's and around the face instead of hours, were the words home, traveling, work, and mortal danger. At the moment all the hands, except one, for what Ginny imagined was the first time in a long time, pointed to home. The only exception was Charlie, whose hand as always pointed at work. She smiled lightly at the thought. This was the first time in years that all the Weasly children were home. The first Christmas since the war that everyone was gathered at the same time. She wished Charlie had understood the significance of that and made time to visit. She couldn't imagine anything making her mother happier than having everyone home. And in all honesty, if Ron hadn't sent her an owl to tell her what a prat she was for not coming home for Christmas, the picture of her would still be pointed at work as well.

But work was all she had now. Nothing in her life meant much to her anymore, outside of work. Socially she kept to herself, keeping herself at arm's length from those she worked alongside. When she wasn't at work, she was at home, in her small, cramped apartment over the Weasly's joke shop. George gave her a deal on the rent and she, in returned, helped out when he was short handed and handled the book keeping end of the business, a job once held by Fred.

A deep, hollowing feeling filled her at the thought of the brother she had lost in the what was now known as the Battle of Hogwarts. It was a feeling she experienced quite often actually. Every time she looked at her brother George, memories of his twin invaded her mind and a sadness she couldn't fight threatened to overtake her.

George had actually considered leaving for a while, giving the rest of the family time to heal from the grief of losing Fred. He understood the kind of emotions he invoked in them when they saw him. It was hard not to feel the lost when staring at Fred's identical twin. How could anyone not with that kind of reminder looking back at them ? But Ginny had talked him out of leaving, telling him that his departure from their lives would be like losing Fred all over again. She convinced him that their family simply could not handle that kind of grief again.

The war with Voldermort had truly taken its toil on the Weaslys. The loses they endured seemed like a bottomless pit of sorrow that they had crawled out of slowly and the scars were evident in all of them. From the loss of Fred, to George and Bill's disfigurement, to the loss of people they really considered one of their own, Professor Lupin, Tonks, Professor Dumbledore and Mooney, all close personal friends that left a rather large whole in the hearts of everyone.

But scar tissue had grown over wholes and healing had begun though not without a cost. Her face darkened considerably as she remembered the last time she had seen her father and the flighty look in his eyes, the one that said a part of him was damaged beyond repair.

Then it darkened even more as she thought about the one person her family had lost because of his own selfish, childishness. That was a loss she could never get over. Maybe it was the way they had lost him. Not for some war or righteous cause, but merely because of the weakness of a heart she had never imagined had even a breath of cowardice in it. Maybe it was the surprised shock that had caused her, in particular, so much pain. She had believed in Harry Potter more than anyone else in the World. She had made him her world, to be honest. To her, he was everything she wanted to be, brave and strong, fearless and capable. A warrior, a hero, the most noble and flawless person she had ever had the honor of knowing.

Then in one cold, desolate night he had shattered the imagine she held of him in her mind. Turned it something unlike anything she recognized. Realizing that Harry had left of his own free-will, abandoned everyone that cared about him when they needed him most, had taken Ginny years to come to terms with. Still she couldn't marry the imagine of him she held in her mind with the man he turned out to be.

That more than anything else, she figured, caused her to keep herself apart from everyone around her. She obviously couldn't be trusted to make decisions about the true character of people. There was no other explanation for her being so utterly, terribly wrong about a man she claimed to love.

And she did love him. She loved him still. It was a wound over her heart she would never be able to heal. But that was the way with Harry. Knowing him, loving him was something no one ever got over. Like a spark of destiny taken to human form. No one ever forgot Harry. His presences in ones life, even in passing, was not something that could ever go unnoticed.

She often times thought, back at Hogwarts when they were together, if she would still love him even if he wasn't the Boy who Lived, or the Chosen One. Eventually she had decided that the question was completely irrelevant. Harry Potter could never have been an ordinary man. Something deep in his soul made him special, extraordinary. Even under entirely different circumstances, he would have been someone important.

Harry was something so rare and very real. A good man, an honest man. A man that put the needs of others in front of his own needs to the point of casting himself in harm's way over and over. And he did that not just for those he cared about, but for every living thing. That kind of selflessness was not an ordinary thing. Oh, most people, Ginny felt, were good deep down, some people hid it deeper than others, but still, she truly believed that most were essential good people. But Harry surpassed that by miles. He was the kind of man other men wanted to be. And he did it without even trying, with an effortlessness that was astounding. He didn't even see how special he really was. The thing that made Harry Potter truly distinctive was the fact that he believed in people. In his mind, everyone was like him. He couldn't see how unbelievable he was.

And the way he loved. Ginny smiled at the feeling in the pit of her stomach that thought brought about. He was so passionate, so committed to those he loved. She had never meet another with such fierce loyalty or fiery devotion. He felt things so very deeply, not just with his heart, but with his soul.

But all that was the Harry Potter Ginny built in her head, not the man he had turned out to be. She just could not imagine how she could have been so wrong about him.

Once again feeling that bone-deep weariness taking her over, she tugged her door opened and stepped inside without bothering with a light. She dropped her suitcase at her feet, pulled off her coat, flinging it into a corner.

A moment before she trudged her way to her bed, her mind already imagining the comfortable softness of the mattress surrounding her aching body, a light burst to life and she inhaled a sharp breath.

She blinked and took a step closer without even realizing she was moving.

" Harry ? " her voice came out a kind of choked whispered as she stared at the wide green eyes, looking back at her, eyes she never imagined she would see again.

The lamp beside her bed blazed suddenly.

" Ginny. " he answered with a jerk and her stomach flopped at the familiarity of the sound of his voice even after all these years.

" What the bloody hell are you doing here ? " she asked, her mouth moving of its own accord as her mind whirled with the shock of having him in front of her again.

For an instant she thougth perhaps she had already made it to her bed and she was dreaming. It wasn't like she had never had the dream before. It was a frequent companion in her lonely nights actually.

" I came back. " he said lamely before looking away from her and she was certain she wasn't dreaming or at least if she was this was a new one.

" Why ? " was all she could manage to force from her throat as she took another step closer to him.

" I felt like it was time. " again in the same lame tone.

" You felt like it was time ? " she demanded, suddenly sparked by an anger she felt for that voice. For that was the voice that belonged to the man that left them all, that left her. Not Harry's voice. Harry's voice was strong and confident and sure. She had never heard him use that ridiculously small, scared voice before.

" Yeah, I felt like it was time. I've been gone too long. I'm sorry. I never should have left like I did. "

She let herself drop down on the foot of her bed, her body suddenly reminding her of how tired she was. " Is that what you're trying to pass off as an apology for leaving us ? " even her voice sounded exhausted.

He simply looked at her for a moment before moving his legs, giving her more room. " It's all I have. I have no excuse for my actions. "

She blinked looking into his eyes as if she was searching for some answer hidden there. She knew what she was looking for. She was searching for some spark of the man she still believed he was. But she found nothing resembling that man. What looked back at her wasn't noble or brave or strong. It was broken, and sorrowful and as exhausted as she felt.

Anger overtook her once again despite how tired she felt. How could this person in front of her sit there pretending to be him, pretending to be Harry ? Whoever this was had killed him, or at the very least locked him away somewhere.

She jumped to her feet. " Get out of my room ! "

" Ginny, Please, you have to understand how sorry I am. " he started, but she stopped him with a hand held up in front of her.

" I don't have to do anything. Least of all understand how you could abandon us the way you did. I want you to leave now. " she insisted.

Harry looked at her with mournful eyes before finally getting to his feet, brushing past her as he went to the door. He stood there with his hand on the knob for a moment before turning back to her. " I thought you of all people would understand why I had to leave. "

Then he turned and left without another word, letting the door close quietly behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry Potter was not normally an angry man. He had been, at one time, but that was a part of him that he didn't often let out. His famous temper, that was how he thought of it. There was a time when he couldn't say a harsh word without it hitting the front page of the Quibbler. There was a time when he couldn't do anything without everyone in his World knowing about it moments later. He hated living like that. Hating being so scrutinized.

Because, like it not, sometimes he got angry. Sometimes he got sad. Sometimes he acted like an irresponsible child. Everyone did. That didn't make him different. Everyone had their dark moments, moments that they would eventually regret later, looking back at the incident with more irrational eyes. Only he wasn't allowed those moments without the entire world looking on. He wasn't allowed to punch a tree out of frustration, or yell at someone who really didn't deserve it. He wasn't allowed anger, or grief, or sadness. He was required to be perfect every minute of every day.

He often thought he might have felt differently about the whole thing if he had made a choice in his life to cause it. If he had sought out the celebrity that had been forced upon him. Maybe if he had chosen a path in his life that lead to his relinquishing his privacy voluntarily it would have been easier. But he hadn't. He had never wanted to be so exposed to the public eye. He hadn't chosen to stand out. In fact, all he really wanted out of life was to blend in, be part of something bigger than himself.

He sighed heavily and flopped down on the uncomfortable looking, worn down couch in the corner of the Weasly's living room.

In all honesty, he wanted to run again. To lose himself in the darkness of the night and let everyone here believe that they had dreamed his return. But his stubbornness was one thing he still possessed and he wasn't going to let Ginny's anger run him off, not without having a chance to talk to her at least. He needed to make her understand his reasons for abandoning them all. He needed her forgiveness so that he could move on with his life. And he wanted to do that more than anything. He wanted to start over, pick up the pieces of the shattered mess he had made of his life and rebuild a new one, here surrounded by the people that claimed to love him.

A noise in the doorway brought his attention there abruptly and he squinted into the darkness to try to determine its source. A moment later Hermione stepped out of the shadows and came to him, sitting down beside him quietly.

" You couldn't sleep either ? " she asked, staring straight ahead at the embers that still burned dimly in the fireplace.

" Ginny came home. " he announced, mimicking her gaze.

She snapped her head around to him. " Oh, Harry I'm so sorry. I really thought she had decided not to come. I wouldn't have put you in that position otherwise. "

He took her hand and squeezed it gently. " It's okay. I know you wouldn't have. And I really wanted to talk to her. But unfortunately, it turns out, she's not that interested in what I have to say. "

" Well, surely you can't blame her. You really hurt her, leaving like that. You hurt all of us, but her especially. "

" I don't blame her. I understand why she's angry. She has every right. I just hoped she would at least let me try to explain. But she just told me to leave. "

Hermione shifted beside him, turning so that she could face him more easily. " And you just left, just like that ? What happened to you, Harry ? "

Harry blinked and drew his eyes to hers. " What do you mean ? "

" You are so different, so strange. The Harry I knew wouldn't have left just because Ginny was angry. In fact her anger would have caused you to plant your heels and dig in harder. You never would have just walked away simply because she didn't want to hear what you had to say. " she tried to explain.

A heavy sigh escaped his lips and he shifted as well, turning to rest his back against the arm of the couch, and crossing his long legs in front of him. " I'm not sure. I know you're right. The old me would have been up there yelling his head off right beside her, determined to have the last word. But I just can't find it in me to fight anymore. "

A small laugh escaped from her. " You faced the worse evil the wizarding world has ever known, yet, you can't bring yourself to face the woman you once cared about so much ? "

" Loved." he corrected her. " The woman I loved. I never told her that. I never told anyone that, but it's how I felt. I loved her. I think maybe I still do. "

" Harry, you need to tell her that, not me. " Hermione smiled at him. " She needs to hear it. "

" She doesn't want to hear it. She's angry and hurt and I know she doesn't feel that way about me. I don't know if she ever did. "

Another laugh, louder this time. " Of course she loved you. And I believe she still does. "

Harry huffed and turned his eyes back to the fire. " You obviously weren't in her room a few moments ago. " he muttered.

" Well, of course she's mad. What did you expect ? Did you think she was just going to welcome you back without a word ? You can't claim to love her if you don't know her better than that. When Ginny's hurt she lashes out. It's her way. " She laid a soft hand on the arm crossed in front of his chest defensively.

" I'll try again tomorrow. Maybe I can get her to listen then. " he answered quietly.

" Not like that you won't. " she told him. " She doesn't love this new Harry, the one so filled with apologizes and regrets. She needs the old Harry, the one that would fight for what he wants, go after it with every ounce of strength inside him. "

" You don't understand. There is no more strength inside me. It's gone. I'm all out of fight. I just can't do it anymore. I feel like I've been fighting all my life. I'm so tired. " He fought against the tears that threaten to fall. He still had a little pride. There was no way he was going to let himself break down in front of her.

But before he could protest, her arms were around him, cradling him against her and the tears were there whether he liked it or not.

" Harry, " she whispered into the darkness over his shoulder. " What happened to you ? "

He shook his head violently against her shoulder. " I don't want to talk about this. " He pulled away. " I just want to try and move ahead with my life. Put everything that's happened behind me. "

" You know you can tell me anything, right ? " she asked, still sitting so close to him he could feel the heat radiating from her pink robe. " Let me help you get through whatever it is you're trying to get through. "

He batted at his eyes with the back of his hand. " You have enough to deal with. You don't need to worry about my problems. I'll deal with them in my own way. "

She grabbed his shoulders a touch roughly and caused him to look her in the eyes once again." You are not alone anymore. Isn't that why you came back ? To be around the people that loved you again ? "

" I didn't come back here to cry on everyone's shoulder and make them feel sorry for me again, no. That isn't why I came back. I came back because I needed to feel like I belonged somewhere. I needed a place to start again. " He told her, before jerking out of her grasp and turning away from her.

Hermione stood with a huff and tugged at the sides of her robes. " I wasn't trying to feel sorry for you. I was trying to be your friend again. But I can see that maybe you weren't as ready to came back as you thought you were. Just remember that of all the people here in this house, I'm not mad at you for leaving. I understand why you did it. I'm just glad your home. When you finally feel like I deserve to be trusted, come find me. I'll listen. "

Then she turned on her heel and made to leave him there, sitting in his own misery.

" 'Mione, please don't go. I don't want you to leave. " He said, stopping her retreating form with his voice.

She came back and resumed her seat. " After all the horrible things I know happened to you, what could possibly be so terrible you can't tell me about ? What happened to you ? "

Harry stared at her. He wanted nothing more than to tell her everything that happened with Samantha, to tell her the truth about the life he left behind in New York. But still he hesitated. He didn't want to see the look on her face when she learned the truth.

" I'm sorry. I'm just not ready to talk about it. Can't we talk about something else ? Tell me about everyone. I've missed so much. " He suggested, trying to shift the subject from himself.

For a moment he thought she was going to ignore him and try to push some more. That was who Hermione was and he was glad to see she hadn't changed. It was refreshing to think that somethings were exactly like he left them. He needed that reassurance. He needed to know that some things were constant.

" Well, Neville is teaching at Hogwarts. He and Luna are getting married in the Spring. " She began, but he cut her off in mid thought.

" Luna and Neville ? That's a bit of a disaster in the making. " he commented, dryly.

" Really ? I thought it was a perfect match. I worked really hard on them. " she mused, off handedly.

" You did that ? You got Neville and Luna together ? Since when do you go around playing matchmaker ? "

" Since my friends needed my help. I saw the way they were around each other, circling and flirting in their own bizarre way. I just couldn't stand it any longer, so I set them up. Made them admit how they felt about each other. " she explained.

" How is Kreacher ? I really appreciate you and Ron looking after him. "

" Kreacher is working at Hogwarts. " She informed him. " He's fine last I heard. He still doesn't understand why he gets paid for his work now, but he's adjusting. Percy wants to be the next Minister of Magic. He actually is quite important around the ministry these days. And to tell the truth he isn't being as insufferable about it as we thought he would be. He's changed a lot over the last years. "

" Do you think he'll be a descent Minister ? " Harry asked, feeling his muscle relax as the subject stayed away from him.

" I think he will in time. He's still rather young for such an important position. But someday, He'll be wonderful. " She answered, then paused and huffed impatiently. " I can't do this. I don't know who you want to hear about. I'm afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing about the wrong person any minute and you're going to get upset again. "

He touched her shoulder lightly and gave her a lopsided smile. " I want to hear about everyone, even the people I don't want to talk about. "

" Really ? Everyone, huh ? " she prompted. " Are you certain ? "

He nodded in answer and braced himself for her next piece of information.

" No one here knows about this. She stays away a lot because she can't handle the change in her father. But she's living over the Joke shop in Hogsmeads. Last I heard she was seeing Oliver Wood. He's back at Hogwarts, too, teaching. "

Harry's mind went numb for a moment. He hadn't thought about what he'd do if Ginny was seeing someone. He hadn't returned to get her back. That wasn't his intention, but the thought that he might be able to win her back loomed in the back of his mind all the time. Now it dimmed considerably, throwing a shadow over his face. " How long have they been seeing each other ? "

" A while now. Oliver practically lives with her when he isn't at the school. "

" Is she happy with him ? " he asked, his mouth suddenly very dry.

" She seems happy enough, I guess. " Hermione shrugged. " She isn't unhappy, if that's what you're asking. "

" That's not what I'm asking. I want to know that he's everything she's looking for. I need to know that he's perfect for her. " He sighed.

" Of course he's not everything she wants. There is only one person that fits that description. But she's content and I think she's satisfied with that, at least for now. "

" What does that mean ? " he asked, sitting up straighter.

" It means she's okay with where she is right now, but I don't believe for a minute that it will last. Eventually she'll want more and no matter how they try, Oliver will never be you. "

Harry leaned forward, planting his elbows on his knees and burying his head in his hands. " Don't do this to me right now, Mione. I can't deal with that at this point. "

He felt her hand resting on his back. " I wish you would tell me what is so wrong in your life. I can see it's something awful. You shouldn't have to deal with it alone. "

He leaned back with a long, deep breath. " I'm not alone. I'm here now. I don't have to tell you all about it for you to help me deal with it. You are helping just by being here. "

She nodded solemnly. " Alright. I guess that will do for the time being. "

" Hey, I was wondering where you got off to. " Ron's sleeping voice said from the staircase. He came into the room carrying the little girl from the window in his arms.

" Ronald, " Hermione snapped as she glanced at him. " Make her go back to bed. She'll be a nightmare tomorrow. "

" She woke up, said she had a nightmare. " he protested.

" More like she was trying to get a glimpse of the flying reindeer Teddy was telling her all about this evening. " Hermione answered with a roll of her eyes.  
" I really did have a nightmare, Mommy. The flying reindeer were in my room, trying to get me. " the little girl whined, squirming in her father's arms, digging herself further into his chest.

" Live it my daughter to be frightened of Rudolph. " Ron sighed, as he eased them both down in the armchair by the fire.

Harry laughed quietly as he watched Rose wiggle around in Ron's lap so that she could see him better.

" I don't know you. You're a stranger. " she announced as her eyes focused on him.

" He's not a stranger, Dear. He's Mommy and Daddy's best friend. He's your Godfather. " Hermione told her before looking over at Harry. " Although he does know that yet. "

Harry sat up a little straighter and looked from Ron to Hermione. " Why would you want me to be her Godfather ? I've let everybody down. Look at what a mess I've made out of being Teddy's Godfather."

" Of course we want you to be her Godfather. How could we choose anyone else for something so important ? " she said, nudging his shoulder.

Rose climbed out of Ron's lap and came to stand with her back resting against her mother's legs. Then she held out her tiny little hand to Harry. " I'm Rose. I'm your Goddaughter. "

Harry couldn't help but laugh as he took her hand in his and shook it gently. " I'm Harry. It's very nice to meet you, Rose. "

Rose's eyes grew wide as she stared at him in surprise. " You're Uncle Harry ? "

" I guess I am. " he answered with a raised eyebrow towards Hermione.

" Yes, Sweetheart. This is Harry Potter. " Ron said.

" Wow ! " she whispered as she continued to stare at him.

" Don't stare, Dear. Uncle Harry doesn't like it when people stare at him. " Her mother warned her quietly.

She shook her tiny head and tried to drag her eyes away from him, but it was an unsuccessful attempt and Harry squirmed as her little eyes rested on him once again.

" I'm betting your Mommy and Daddy have told you lots of stories about me. " Harry smiled.

She simply nodded numbly in answer.

" Maybe we could pretend I'm not the person in those stories. We can pretend I'm just any other Uncle. How do you act around your Uncle George ? Can you pretend like I'm Uncle George ? " Harry suggested.

She thought about that for a moment. Then she suddenly launched herself at Harry, climbing into his lap and burying her face in his shirt.

Ron and Hermione laughed at the shocked expression he was sure was covering his face.

" Well, that is how she acts around her Uncle George. You did tell her to pretend. " Ron said.

Harry joined their laughter.

" So you like your Uncle George ? " Harry asked, looking down at the little face looking back at him.

" He's my favorite. He brings me presents and candy. Did you bring me presents and Candy ? " she asked, looking him over, searching for hidden gifts.

" Rose, It's rude to beg for gifts. " Hermione chided.

" I'm sorry, I didn't. I didn't know you would be here. Next time, I promise to have lots of presents and candy, okay ? " he answered.

She nodded and went back to burying her face.

" So, Neville and Luna, and George and Katie. Is there anyone else I should know about ? " he asked, turning his attention back to Hermione as he settled comfortably back into the couch with Rose.

" Well, not that I can think of off the top of my head. Bill and Fleur have a little girl. Her name is Victoire. She's almost eight now. " Hermione answered.

" Percy married Penelope Clearwater a couple of years ago. They are trying to have a baby. But God has been kind enough not to grant their request yet. " Ron added.

" Ron, that isn't kind. " His wife snapped.

" May not be kind, but it's true. Can you imagine a little Percy ? What a prat he would be. " Ron muttered under his breath. Then he nodded towards Harry. " Why are you down here anyway ? Wasn't Ginny's room comfortable ? "

" She's home and she kicked him out. " Hermione answered for him.

" Oh, " Ron mumbled. " Sorry, Mate. I imagine she is still pretty sore at you. "

" It wasn't a very happy reunion, no. " Harry agreed.

" Why is aunt Ginny mad at you ? Were you mean to her ? I don't like you anymore if you were mean to her. " Rose chimed in, tugging away from him.

" Uncle Harry wasn't mean to her, Rose. It's one of those grown up things. He would never be mean to her on purpose. " Ron explained.

But Harry was already feeling the guilt from the little girl's question. He had been mean to her, and on purpose, too for that matter.

He did his best to push those dark feelings aside and enjoy being in the company of the people that mattered most to him in the world.

" I think maybe I should get you to bed. St. Nick doesn't leave presents for little awake girls. " Hermione said, standing and taking the child from Harry's arms.

She went grudgingly, waving to Harry and kissing her father good night before disappearing up the stairs with her mother.

" So, Ginny was mad, huh ? " Ron asked.

Harry nodded.

Ron got up from the chair and disappeared into the kitchen. Returning a moment later with two glasses of fire whiskey in his hands. He passed one to Harry before settling in next to him and sipping from his own glass.

" How is your father, really ? Has he seen anyone ? " Harry asked after taking a drink.

" Yeah, he's seen lots of people. All of them say the same thing. There isn't anything wrong with him. Physically, he's fine. He's just bloody mental some times. " Ron answered. " They say it was all too much of a strain on him, the war and Fred, you know all of it. "

" Why would any of you say what you're thinking ? " Harry said, sitting up and looking down at the floor at his feet. " I'm partly responsible, too. My leaving was part of the cause. "

" We don't say it, because it isn't true. This whole thing started before you left. Mom was hiding it from all of us. Keeping the whole thing secret. She didn't want us to worry about him. But it got bad enough that she couldn't keep it hidden any longer. " Ron explained. Then he put his hand on Harry's shoulder. " You didn't do this, Harry. No one blames you for it. "

A moment passed where neither of them said anything as they drank in silence. But unlike the awkward silence of earlier, this was a comfortable silence, between two friends who where lost in their own thoughts for a time.

" So, " Ron said finally. " What were you and my wife down here discussing ? Do I need to play the jealous husband bit ? Because, if I do, I'll have you know, I'm fairly good at it. "

Harry laughed. " No, your wife's virtue is safe with me, I promise. You have nothing to worry about. She was just filling me in on everything that's been going on. "

" I know she's safe with you, Harry. I was just trying to give myself a reason to brag about the fact that I beat up Victor Krum a few years back. " Ron laughed along with him.

" You beat up Krum ? Why ? "

" He hit on her. He hit on her while she was pregnant with Rose. Can you believe the nerve of the guy ? Hitting on a man's wife while she's pregnant. "

" No, I really can't " Harry answered in a suddenly far off voice. His face had darkened considerably.

" What's the matter ? Your face has gone all wonky. Did I say something wrong ? " Ron asked.

Harry waved him off quickly. " I'm fine. I guess I'm just tired. "

" You sure ? "

" Yeah, I'm good. But I think I should try to get some sleep." Harry muttered, in answer.

" Well, I think I need to tell you something about Ginny before morning. Something you need to know. It's important. " Ron said, after draining his glass and setting it on the table beside the couch.

Harry took the last drink of his as well and set it beside Ron's.

" It's just that, she's been living with someone. It's been going on for a while now. " Ron started.

" Oliver Wood. I know. Hermione told me about it already. It's fine. I'm okay with it. She had every reason to move on. I'm glad, in fact. Happy for her. " Harry forced the lie over his tongue with great difficulty.

" Yeah, okay, well. I just wanted to make sure you knew what was going on with her, now that she's home and all. " Ron mumbled as he got to his feet. He started to leave before turning back to him at the last moment. " Wood is a good guy. He treats her good. She says she's happy. "

Harry nodded. " I understand, Ron. I'm not here to mess that up. "

" It's just that she had such a hard time getting over you. I don't want to see her go through that again. It's not you. " Ron continued as if his explanation wasn't clear enough the first time.

" Ron, I get it. I'll leave her alone. " Harry said, louder than was absolutely necessary.

Ron simply nodded and continued up the stairs, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

Ginny Weasly was angry. The kind of angry she couldn't remember being in a very long time. The kind of angry that drove the exhaustion from her body and caused sleep to remain an elusive goal. The kind of angry that made her teeth clench and her muscles tense.

How dare that poor excuse for a man come in here pretending to be her Harry ? How dare he try to tell her he was sorry like that ?

That person in her living room right now had destroyed her Harry, taken his place like some body snatcher in a poorly made horror movie.

She hadn't wanted to believe it before. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was still convinced that Harry was somewhere being held against his will, kept from her without his consent. But seeing him there looking and sounding so pitiful and broken, that possibility was gone now. That part of her mind shut down. The little flare of hope she still held on to was dead. He really had left of his own free will. Abandoned her like she meant nothing to him.

She picked up a random book from the table beside the bed and hurled it at the far wall, feeling a little better when it landed with a loud thump against the wall. She looked around again, searching for something that would make a better breaking noise, but finally decided against it. Everyone was asleep after all. No need in waking everyone at that ungodly hour just to satisfy her need to hear something crash.

She grabbed her cellphone instead. A muggle devise that she had grown to depend on. When Oliver first gave it to her she was skeptical, not really one to latch on to things from the muggle world. But now she used it constantly. It was nice to be able to reach him any time she wanted to, whether he was close to a fireplace or not.

She pushed in his number and only had to wait for a moment before his sleepy voice answered the ring.

" Hello ? "

" I'm sorry to wake you. " she said into the phone. " I just really need to hear your voice for a moment."

" No, it's okay. I don't mind. Are you okay ? You sound a little odd. " Oliver answered with a rustling in the background and she pictured him sitting up in his bed at Hogwarts.

" I'm okay I guess. I just got home. I had to finish that report before I left. "

" Yeah, did you get it done ? "

" Yeah, it isn't work. Work is fine. "

He paused for a moment, like he was listening to her breath. " Then what is it ? Obviously something is bothering you. Are you still upset that I decided to stay here for Christmas ? " he asked.

" No, I understand. You said that little boy needed you. It's just... " she stopped, drawing in a deep breath before continuing. " When I got here, Harry was here. He's come back. "

There was another shuffling. " I'll be right there. "

" No, you don't have to do that. I'm okay really. " she stopped him.

" Are you certain ? I want to be there if you need me. " he told her.

" Well, " she tried to brush back the tears that threatened to fall suddenly. " Actually, I could really use you right now. "

" Give me ten minutes. I'll be at your door. " he answered, without hesitating.

" I love you. "

" I love you, too. Just hold on. "

She flipped the phone shut quietly and sat back on her bed.

She wasn't sure exactly why she wanted Oliver there, but she did. Maybe it was to affirm in her mind what it felt like to love someone that loved her back. Maybe it was just because she needed a shoulder to cry on. Harry's sudden appearance had rocked her more than she anticipated it would. She could feel the emotions swirling in her chest. Emotions she couldn't define. Surprise was there, of course and anger, but there was more. Neither of those explained the sudden desire she felt to sink into her pillow and cry herself to sleep. Neither of those explained the sense of complete hollowness she felt in her chest, a feeling like her heart had been ripped out and thrown on the floor, shattered beyond repair. That was a feeling she didn't want to look too hard at. A feeling she wasn't ready to identify.

Something else tugged at her. Something she could only describe as fear. She didn't know why she suddenly felt so afraid. It was irrational and ridiculous. She knew no matter how much he had changed, she had nothing to fear from Harry. Maybe it was a fear for the life she had embraced, the comfort of knowing what she wanted. Harry turned all that on it ear, spun things around inside her head, confused her about what she really wanted out of life.

What would she do if the real Harry suddenly appeared out of that broken shell she had encountered ? Would she destroy everything she had tried to build in the last year ? Had it only been a year ? Had it really taken her seven years to move on with her life ? It was an incredible thought.

Well, to be fair, she had spent five years of that time trying to find him, consumed by the need to know he was alright.

That thought only served to spark the anger once again. She jerked herself up off the bed and started pacing around her small room. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine where he had been for the last eight years, where he had hidden from her. And that is exactly what he had done, hidden from her, kept himself from being found.

She felt so foolish suddenly, embarrassed by her actions. Five years she looked for him, trying desperately to save him and all the time he didn't want or need to be saved. He didn't want her to find him. He didn't want to see her.

What an idiot ! She thought violently. What a complete fool she had made of herself !

Well she wouldn't let him make a fool out of her again. She wouldn't let him think for a moment that she hadn't moved on.

She stopped suddenly. Was that why she called Oliver ? Asked him to rush to her side ? To prove to Harry that he didn't matter to her anymore ? She didn't like to think that she was using Oliver like that. It was wrong to put him in that position, using him to make Harry jealous.

Wait, that was a different thing altogether. It was one thing to use him to show Harry she was over him, but to use him to make Harry jealous. That was different. That only proved that she did still care about what Harry thought. That made it seem like she still loved him and wanted him. And if she was certain of anything, she was certain she didn't want Harry back. He was out of her life and she was glad of that. Finally she had gotten over him, gotten past how much she missed him every minute, gotten past how sorry she was that they had so little time together, gotten past the fact that no one had ever meant as much to her as he had.

She simply couldn't let herself fall back into that place again. It was for her own survival. Because losing him again would kill her and she was certain now, she would lose him again. Harry wasn't the type to stay around. He couldn't be trusted with something as important as someone's heart.

Apparently he couldn't be trusted at all. That thought made her laugh out loud as soon as it crossed her mind. Harry Potter couldn't be trusted. The entire Wizarding world had sunk all there trust in him at one time. But now he couldn't be trusted with something as simple as just being there. Maybe it was because they had all put their trust in him they way they had. Perhaps that much responsibility had broken something in him, turned him into what had returned.

Like her father, she considered, maybe Harry was broken the same way her father had been.

She glanced at the watch on her arm with a heavy sigh and left the room. Moving as quietly as possible, she stopped for a moment at the bottom of the stairs, looking towards the living room where she assumed Harry had gone. He was there, sitting on the sofa with Hermione and Ron sitting around him. Rose was curled on his lap and her anger flared again.

He didn't deserve the honor of having Rose in his lap. That person wasn't worthy of her. She almost stepped in and snatched her niece away from him. She wanted to. She couldn't understand how Hermione and Ron could be so casual about his return. Welcoming him home like a hero returning from a war. It made her sick the way they pretended like his leaving hadn't hurt them as badly as it hurt her. How could they just act like nothing had happened ?

She turned and went to the back door, stepping outside into the night air.

She only had to wait a moment before a soft popping sound and a flare of light announced Oliver's presence. The next moment she was in his arms, letting him cover her in his warmth.

" Thank you for coming. " she whispered against the lapel of his thick coat.

" Of course, I came. You needed me. I'll always be here when you need me. " he assured her, tightening his grip around her. " Let's get inside. You don't have a coat. You'll catch a cold. "

She allowed him to maneuver her into the house, closing the door behind her with a soft click. Then he continued gliding her towards the living room.

She pulled her face out of his coat long enough to see that Ron, Hermione and Rose were gone, leaving Harry alone in the darkness of the room. He sat up as he heard them moving towards the stairs, but said nothing, made no sign that he had seen them at all.

She paused and turned towards him for a moment before letting Oliver pull her up the stairs. In that moment her eyes caught his, green connecting with blue and something flared in his gaze. A spark of the man she once loved flared to life for an instant before it dimmed again like the embers of the fire in the fireplace in front of him.

She sighed in what she could only define as disappointment and continued up the stairs.

Once inside the darkened confines of her room, she let Oliver pull her into him, surrounding her in his warmth, bathing her in his love for her. It was a peaceful, content feeling that she let fill her as completely as she could. Closing her eyes, she mentally blocked out the memory of the green eyes in the living room, blazing to life for that instant.

" Are you really okay ? You're shaking. " Oliver's voice washed over her.

" I'm fine now. I'm sorry I pulled you away from the School. I know you thought it was important to be there for that boy. "

He moved them over to the bed and sat down with her still in his arms. " It's okay. I can be in both places. I'll just pop over tomorrow and check on him. Besides I've got Hagrid watching him as well. I'm sure he'll be okay. I just didn't want him to be alone for Christmas. No child should have to do that. "

" You are so sweet and considerate. " she smiled, batting at tears she hadn't realized had fallen to her cheeks.

" Well, I know. " He returned her grin. " I'm just bloody brilliant. "

" You are. " she insisted. " You're the most wonderful man I know. "

He raised his eyebrows at her doubtfully. " Really ? Are you certain about that ? "

Her eyes widened in surprise. " What do you mean ? Of course I'm certain about that. "

" I don't mean to question you, Sweetheart. I just know what Harry meant to you once. " He brushed a random curl from her shoulder.

She pulled herself against him and kissed him softly. " Please don't. You have nothing to worry about. I swear to you. Harry Potter means nothing to me anymore. "

He kissed her back, harder this time. " Thank God, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. I'm so sorry he came back like this. You don't deserve to have to go through anymore heartbreak over him. "

" There is no heartbreak. I promise. I was just a little surprised. " she insisted.

He rubbed his thumb against her wet cheek and smiled ruefully. " Then why are you crying, Love ? "

She shrugged and looked away from him quickly. " I'm just tired and emotionally drained. I want nothing more than to go to sleep and not wake up for ages. "

He extracted himself from her grasp and went about getting undressed. " Are you sure it's going to be alright if your parents find me here in the morning ? "

She huffed. " I'm twenty four years old. I'm not a child. They know you practically live with me already. Besides how long did Percy and Penelope shack up in his room before they finally got married. They have no room to say anything. "

" Alright. " he laughed, holding his hands out in front of him with a chuckle. " A simple, it's fine, would have been sufficient. " Then he came to her again and drew her into his arms. " But I am glad to see my little firecracker back again. It kills me to see you hurting. "

" I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. "

" I love you. " he whispered into her hair.

" I love you, too. "

She felt his hands drop to her waist and start to move the pale blue sweater from her body. Raising her arms, she indulged herself in the feel of his fingers brushing against her skin as he dragged the material over her body. She let her head fall back as he began to nip at her neck softly, laying quick kisses along the column of her throat. She closed her eyes, losing herself in the feel of his hands on her, his lips on her.

Then she gasped and jumped away from him quickly as the imagine in her mind changed abruptly to hands that were much less confident, shaking, in fact. An airy breath filling her mind, raised goosebumps over her flesh as she remembered the way his chest rose and fell in panting breaths. There was such uncertainty in his eyes. Shaking, she so clearly remembered how he was shaking, whether in near panic or with need or a combination of both, she would never forget him shaking as he rested his body over hers. In all the memories she had of Harry Potter she never remembered seeing such fear in his eyes as she had in that night years ago.

" Are you okay ? " Oliver asked, coming to her and trying to draw her back against him.

She shook her head, physically removing the image from her mind. " I'm just really tired. Do you think maybe we could just sleep tonight. I promise I'll make it up to you. "

" Sure. " he smiled down at her. Then he slid down in the bed and drew her against him, placing a soft kiss to her forehead. " I love you, Ginny.

She settled in to his side, resting her head on his chest and listening to sound of his strong steady heartbeat. " I love you, too, Oliver. I swear I love you. "

She wince at the sound of her own voice, wondering if he noticed how much it sounded like she was trying to convince him it was true.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry Potter rested his head in his hands and tried his best to block out the noise of excited children and happy adults bustling from the room downstairs.

The presents had been handed out and given to their gleeful recipients. The food had been inhaled, Harry was sure he hadn't been so stuffed since he left. Children were playing with their new toys, yelling in elated response as they discovered exactly what St. Nick had brought them. And Ginny was settled into the side of Oliver Wood, dozing contentedly on the couch last he saw her.

He took a deep breath trying to muster up some semblance of happiness for her. Because he knew that is what he should be feeling. He should be glad she found a way to move on without him, he had, after all, done the same, in a way. Although to be perfectly honest, his way hadn't been quite the same.

Harry reached into his pocket and touched the gold band he still kept with him. Again, guilt washed over him for lying the way he had. He hated himself for being too much of a coward to tell his family the truth about his life. But he just couldn't bare it, couldn't stand to think about it, rather less talk about.

He snatched his hand back as if the piece of harmless jewelry had burned him as he heard someone approaching the top of the stairs from behind him. In doing so, the ring slid out of his pocket, tumbling to the ground with a soft clink.

Hermione looked down at the object, her eyes resting on it for a moment, before she looked back at him. " Harry ? "

Harry looked up at her, letting himself take in her wide eyed expression before looking away and snatching the ring from the floor beside him. " I'm sorry, Mione. " he said quietly.

She sat next to him on the top stair and touched his shoulder lightly. " What are you sorry about ? "

" I lied. I lied about not being married. I was for a while. " he answered, hoping she would let the subject drop with that explanation, but knowing there was no way she would.

" But you aren't anymore ? " she asked.

" No, I'm not anymore. Like I said, it ended badly. "

" How badly, Harry ? What else haven't you told us ? "

" Damn it, " Harry muttered, looking away again. " I so didn't want to do this. "

" Well, you have no choice now. Whatever happen was obviously huge and you are so sad. Either you tell me all about it or I'll just get Ron to dig into at work and find out myself. " she announced in a threatening tone.

" I'd really rather you didn't do that. " he said.

" Then give me your side of it and I won't have to, because I can't take this any longer. " she countered.

" Alright, but not here where anyone could hear. I want to keep this between us. I don't even want Ron to know. " he agreed. " It stays like this until I want it to be different, or you can just go about your digging on your own. "

Hermione nodded solemnly. " I don't like keeping things from Ron, but if you insist. Come on, "

She lead him to the very top room of the house, the one previously belonging to Ron. Harry had spent many summers sleeping on a camp bed in the corner of the room. He almost smiled as the memories of the place hit him as soon as he opened the door, reminding him of a much easier time in his life and for him that was truly saying something.

It was ironic, he thought, that he could face any evil the world threw at him, Look into the face of danger and stare back without flinching. But it was the matters of the heart he couldn't so easily face.

" So, " Hermione said, sitting on the bed. " Tell me everything. "

" First promise me you won't give me that pitying look you always give me. I don't want your pity. " he told her.

" Alright. " she nodded. " You'll get no pity here. I promise. "

" Okay, here it goes. " he began.

Hermione Granger Weasly was not a person to go back on her word. She considered a promise something sacred. Her word was a bond that she would never purposely ignore and once given she did her best to stand by it, no matter what. But in the present moment she was finding it so hard not to let her face slip into the look of pity Harry had referred to earlier. She fought desperately against the urge she felt to take his shaking, shoulders into her arms and hold him, to try and help him deal with the pain he was obviously feeling. But she hesitated, unsure as to whether that would constitute feeling pity for him.

Finally unable to help herself any longer, she wrapped her arms around her best friend, drawing him close and sitting there quietly while he cried on her shoulder. She had no words to offer him. There was nothing in her life she could draw on to help ease his hurt. But she was certain she had never heard a worse story than the one he had just delivered to her, the one she had forced out of him against his will in fact. If she had known, had even a clue as to the secret he was hiding, she never would have pushed. She would have waited patiently until he was ready to deal with all he had to deal with. But she hadn't. Pushing her was part of who she was. Ron constantly warned her about it. Telling her she needed to ease back and relax more. But she had never been able to help herself and she was never more sorry for that than she was in that moment.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Harry pulled back and snatched his glasses away from his face, giving him room to wipe at his swollen, blood shot eyes.

" I understand. " She said, ending the awkward silence that had begun to stretch between them.

" Thank you. I'm glad someone does anyhow. " he answered.

" If you just let everyone know what you've been going through, everyone else would understand as well. " she began, but he cut her off with a hand in front of her.

" Mione, you promised. This goes no further. It's just between us. " He insisted, vehemently.

She nodded. " I know. And I won't say a word. I swear. But you have nothing to be ashamed of Harry. You did nothing. You had no choice. None of it was your fault. "

" I know that. " he paused and shrugged. " Well at least I keep telling myself all that, but I don't want everyone to know about this. I just couldn't take all the pity and staring again. For once in my life I just want to be normal, like everyone else. "

" You aren't like everyone else. No one else here at least has had to deal with the kind of pain you've had to deal with. Accepting a little pity isn't such a bad thing every once in while. Especially when you've earned it like you have. " She tried to tell him, but he obviously wasn't listening anymore.

" I just need a little time. Sooner or later everyone will know all there is to know. I can't keep anything to myself for long. One day soon, I'm sure I'll wake up to find myself waving at me from the front page of the Quibbler and the whole sorted story will be inside for everyone to see. But for now, I'd rather it just be mine to deal with. "

She nodded in understanding. " Alright, Harry. It's your secret, you deal with it however you see fit. But tell me what I can do to help. "

" Nothing. You are doing everything you can right now. It's enough. " he answered, drawing her into a hug.

" It doesn't feel like enough. " she smiled ruefully. " And Ron, are you sure we can't just tell him ? Harry, he'll be so upset when he finds out you didn't trust him enough to tell him yourself. I don't want him to have to find out about all of this from a newspaper article. "

Harry sighed and released her. " I'll tell him when the time's right. You're right. I should tell him everything. "

" He'll want to help, too. Be there for you. He loves you like a brother. " She smiled ruefully. " If you're talking about Percy, he loves you more than his brother. "

" You'd think they would have worked out their differences by now. " Harry chuckled.

" Oh that is never going to happen. It's their differences that keep them so distant. That's never going to change. But at least they aren't being openly hostile towards each other anymore. That's progress. "

" Maybe we should get back downstairs. I'll bet people are starting to wonder where we got off too. " Harry announced taking a deep breath and rubbing his hands down the front of his jeans.

He hugged her again and she told him she'd be along in a minute. She watched him leave with a deep feeling of sadden. It was his shoulders that caught her eyes. Broad, muscled shoulders, she thought, but certainly not broad enough or strong enough to carry the burden he had been forced to carry throughout his entire life. If she ever needed proof of the fact that life wasn't fair all she needed to do was look to Harry Potter.

Never in her life had she ever met anyone as good and kind as he was. Never had she known anyone stronger than him. But one person could only take some much. How many times could a man lose everything that mattered to him without it driving him mad eventually ? How much could one soul endure before it reached the breaking point and shattered into so many broken pieces ? A weaker man would have broken already. A weaker man wouldn't have made it through his adolescents, she mused.

A knock on the door brought her attention there and she opened it slowly.

Ginny was standing there with her hands on her hips looking decidedly irritated. " You seem awful chummy with that traitor. " she said in an accusatory tone.

" Ginny, you don't understand. Please don't be angry with us because we're glad Harry's back. " she began tiredly as she opened the door for her.

" I just don't get it. How could you just forgive and forget everything he's done without even getting a real explanation from him ? " she continued, ignoring Hermione's pleas.

" What would you have had us do, tell him he wasn't welcome here ? Made him leave again ? " she asked, readying herself for the argument she knew was inevitable.

" It would have been a start. " Ginny fumed a trifle loudly. " Did he tell you why he was gone so long, give you any excuse at all ? "

" Yes, he did actually. But you aren't going to like it. " Hermine informed her.

" That's not surprising. What was it ? "

" He met a girl. A muggle girl. Apparently he was with her for a while and it ended badly. " Hermione answered, keeping to the story Harry had given everyone the night before. She wanted more than anything to explain everything to Ginny, especially now with her standing there looking at her with such hurt in her eyes.

She watched in helpless silence as Ginny sunk tiredly down on her bed and stared at the floor at her feet.

" A muggle girl ? " she asked, with tear filled eyes. " He left me for a muggle girl ? "

Hermione came to her side and slide an arm around her shoulder. " He didn't leave you for her. He met her after he left. You know very well why he had to leave. I know he shouldn't have done it like he did, but you've always said you understood his reasons at least. "

Ginny nodded before rubbing the sleeve of her new Weasly sweater against her eyes. " But he chose to stay with a muggle girl instead of coming back to me. "

Hermione fought against herself so hard, trying to keep from telling her that wasn't the way of it. That he had done what he had to do. He hadn't made a choice.

" Ginny, " she said quietly. " You have to trust me on this. Harry had his reasons for being gone so long. It wasn't intentional. He didn't mean to hurt us. That was just an unfortunate side effect. "

Ginny jumped to her feet and turned to her. " An unfortunate side effect ! " she demanded, yelling now. " How can you call it that ? You know what I went through, what Ron went through. What he put this entire family through. My God ! Look at Dad. He wasn't nearly this bad before Harry took off like he did. "

Hermione was on her feet as well, letting the volume of her voice match Ginny's " You can't possibly blame Harry for your father's condition. And you mustn't say anything like that to him. Please Ginny. You have to promise me you won't. "

Fear gripped her. She knew without a doubt that that would be the breaking point for Harry. Knowing that Ginny blamed him for her father would be more than he could take.

" And why not ? Are you afraid he'll run away again ? " Ginny spat. " I think he needs to know exactly what I think of him. "

Hermione lowered her voice and took Ginny by the shoulders. Desperation flared in her eyes. " I'm not afraid he'll run again. I'm afraid that knowing you blame him will kill him. You have no idea how close to the edge he is right now. Please Ginny, if there was ever a time to curb your temper, it's now. You have to believe me. He isn't the person you knew. He's... " she searched for the right word. " fragile right now. " she winced at how much she knew Harry would hate that description but she couldn't think of anything that fit him better at the moment.

" Fragile ? Did you just call Harry Potter Fragile ? " Ginny fumed. " That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Harry has never been fragile in his life. What do you know that you're not telling me ?"

Hermione looked away, letting her gaze fall to a Quiddich poster on the wall left over from Ron's childhood. " Please don't ask me that. I promised I wouldn't say anything and I'm not going to. You just have to trust me. He can't deal with anymore than he's dealing with right now. "

Ginny huffed and tapped her foot impatiently. " If you know something the rest of us should know, you have to tell me. " she insisted, " Give me something, at least. Is this secret you're keeping going to effect the rest of us when it finally comes out, because you know how things work around here, it will come out eventually. "

Hermione thought about that for a moment. Would knowing what Harry was going through effect all of them, of course it would. Knowing he was in such pain would obviously have an effect. Every member of the family would take a piece of that pain with them, trying to help ease his burden. But how much would it truly effect their lives ? It wouldn't, she decided. Harry was once again alone in the misery he was in at the moment. It seemed unfathomable to her that something so terrible could happen within the confines of her family and everyone's life would still go on as it normally did.

" No, it doesn't effect anyone but Harry. It's his to deal with. And he is, it's just going to take him time to move past it. " she answered finally.

Ginny sunk down on the bed again and looked up at her. " How bad is this thing ? " she asked, her voice shaky and quiet now.

" It's bad. " Hermione said solemnly as she sat down beside her. " It's really bad. "

Ginny walked down the staircase in her family's home slowly as if the weight of the world was suddenly baring down on her shoulders. She felt tired again. She always felt tired. Oliver constantly told her that she pushed herself too hard, tried to take on to much. But it was her way. She would forever be one to see how much she could take, to try to everything she could. The results were sometimes, she bit off more than she could chew.

Her thoughts were firmly settled on Harry at the moment. She was certain, the night before, that something was going on with him. He seemed so very different, like a stranger, someone she didn't recognize any longer. And her talk with Hermione confirmed that. Something was going on with him. Something had changed him and whatever it was, it was big.

She knew it had to be something monumental to alter the person that Harry was. He was always so strong, so in control of his world. Even when he didn't feel like he was, everyone else felt it for him. He was a leader, the man people looked to, the person people followed, whether he wanted them too or not. Even strangers could sense the strength in his soul and that was why they listened to him, trusted him with their very lives.

He always believed that it was just his name that gave him such fame. She had never been able to make him understand that it was more than that. After finding out the prophesy could have easily been about Neville Longbottom, instead of Harry, Ginny was relieved that Lord Voldermort had chosen to go after the Harry instead. If it had been Neville and not Harry, she feared things would not have turned out quite as well for their side.

The person who Harry was caused those around him to believe in him. It was an undefinable spark within him that made people believe in him, follow him to the end's of the World if necessary.

" I was wondering where you disappeared to. " Oliver said coming up behind her and resting his hand on her shoulder. " I've been looking all over for you. "

" I was with Hermione upstairs, talking. " she mumbled, clearly still distracted by her thoughts.

" Anything interesting ? " he asked, following her down the stairs.

She nodded. " Not really. Just talking. "

As they rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs, she stopped short before walking completely into the living room, choosing instead to stay in the doorway, just out of view. Oliver obliged and stayed behind her, his hand still on her shoulder as he noticed where her eyes had landed.

She was watching Harry, who was at the moment, laying on his back in the middle of the floor with Rose bouncing on his chest, as if he were her opponent in a wrestling match she had just won.

He was laughing. That was the sound that caused her to pause. It was a sound she hadn't heard in so long, a sound that dug into her soul like a knife twisting in a wound that was already too deep.

She found herself unable to force her body to move for a moment. She was locked in place, watching helplessly as he continued to frolic around on the floor with her niece.

The next moment Teddy was there falling over his Godfather in a fit of giggles that seemed to explode, encompassing all of them in the merriment.

Suddenly, Harry lifted him up, holding him in the air with his strong hands, before crashing him into the couch resulting in a fit of belly laughter from the child.

" Wow, " Oliver said, musingly in her ear. " I haven't seen that look on your face in years. And you said I had nothing to worry about. "

She found herself still unable to move even as she heard his retreating footstep, going back up the stairs behind her.

Harry looked up as if he could feel her eyes on him and gave her an apologetic smile. " I'm sorry. " he said, over the laughter. " Are we being too loud ? "

She nodded as she stepped more fully into the room. " No, it's fine. " She noticed her arms were unconsciously crossed over her chest. It was a move she recognized as completely defensive but she couldn't seem to pull them free.

Harry was still looking at her as if he were about to say more, when a warning giggled was followed by Rose launching herself at his back, dragging him back down to the ground.

She pulled her small body over him quickly, pinning him under her despite his pitiful struggles.

" Aunt Ginny, " she squealed. " You have to help me. He's too strong. "

Ginny managed a chuckled at the little girl. " Oh, no. I think I'll sit this one out. Besides you have to learn that you shouldn't tackle a bear if you can't handle his bite. "

With that, Harry flipped them both with a roar, dragging the small body under him. He raised her pink shirt from her belly, exposing her skin a second before he descended, blowing against her stomach, making the flesh vibrate and causing another loud squeal.

Then the merciless tickling began.

" What is going on in here ? " Ron asked from the doorway of the kitchen. " It sounds like someone is skinning a hippogriff. "

" I believe your daughter is beginning taught to accept the consequences of her actions. " Ginny mused. " She attacked him from behind. "

" Well, " Ron answered, " There's another lesson she needs to know. "

Before Ginny could say anything else, Ron was in the middle of the rumble, pulling at Harry's shoulders trying to save his daughter. As both grown men laughed hilariously, the small child rolled out from under her Godfather, and charged behind Ginny's legs.

" And what lesson is that, Ron ? " Harry asked, around his laughter.

" That her father will always be around to save her, of course. " Ron said, before tacking Harry to the ground, allowing Teddy to get in his own shot at the tickling.

Ron looked up at Ginny with a smug smile. " I bet I have a secret about Harry that you never knew. "

She smiled, " Really, what secret is that ? "

He dug is hand into Harry's side, causing Harry to jerk and howl loudly. " He's ticklish. "

Rose ventured out slowly from behind her Aunt until she saw that her father had successfully trapped Harry's arms to the ground. Then she plowed into him alongside Teddy who was taking the hint from Ron and tickling Harry with the same kind of mercilessness he had used on Rose.

A sudden crash sounded throughout the room, as Harry kicked his long leg out involuntarily and caused a glass the shatter to the floor.

Ginny stepped forward, drew her wand from her pocket and whispered, " repario. " at the broken glass. Then she picked it up and set it back on the table as the members of the brawl on the floor began to untangle themselves from each other.

" Alright. " Ron announced. " Play time is over. I think a couple of someones need a nap. "

" We don't want a nap. " Rose protested.

" But you need one. So go find your mother. "

Teddy and Rose left the room, hand in hand with a loud sniffle.

" That was fun. " Harry commented between pants as he moved to the couch and tried to catch his breath. " I haven't laughed like that in a long time. "

" Yeah, they are always good for a laugh. " Ron said, easing up beside him and flopping down, with his head against the back of the couch, trying to catch his breath as well. " Guess, we aren't as young as we once were, huh, Mate ? "

Harry panted some more. " No, I guess we aren't. I think I just got my butt kicked by a toddler and a nine year old. "

" Well, " Ron shrugged, " I helped. If I hadn't stepped in, you would have got them for sure. "

Ginny found herself smiling at the two men on the couch and stopped it instantly. She wasn't ready to just forgive and forget as easily as her brother and sister-in-law seemed to have. She didn't want him making her smile. She grabbed on to the anger she felt at his sudden appearance and turned to long behind her.

Then she remember Oliver retreating up the stairs a few moments before and his parting words came back to her full force. _And you said I had nothing to worry about. _

She moved quickly up the stairs to her room, flinging the door open and scanning it with a hasty glance. Seeing it was empty, she started searching, stopping only when she reached the roof and peered out to the ledge that surrounded the house.

She couldn't really see him. It was more his shadow that she noticed, which lead her eyes to a long leg, stretched out to its full length against the roof. She stepped out onto the ledge and tried to not think about the last time she had been there, but the image was already in her mind.

" _Ginny, " Harry whispered, sticking his head out of the window and looking around at for her. _

" _I'm over here. " she answered from her favorite niche between the two chimneys, one for the kitchen fireplace, the other for the living room. There was an area between them plenty big enough for two people to sit comfortably, though until that moment she had never searched her secret place with anyone else. _

_Harry ventured along the edge slowly, easing his way through the darkness until he was standing beside her. His face looked worried as he stared down at her and she smiled in return. _

" _Don't tell me, my big strong hero is afraid of heights. " she teased. _

_He maneuvered gingerly down beside her and gave her a sidelong look. " I'm not afraid of heights. It's falling from them that makes me worried. " _

_She pulled her wand from her pocket. " You needn't worry. I wouldn't let you fall. " _

_He smiled finally and slid a little closer to her, still unsure of himself, but now she sense it wasn't so much the height that caused his hesitation. _

_As usual, she took the initiative and laid her head against his shoulder, sliding into his side comfortably. _

_She could feel his heartbeat quicken as she laid her small hand against his chest. " You are so tense. Relax, Harry, like I said, I won't let you fall. " _

_He looked down into her upturned face and smiled slightly. " I think it's too late for you to save me from that. " _

_Then he kissed her, taking her a little off guard. Harry was not normally one to make a bold move like that around her. They had only been dating such a short time. She could tell how uncomfortable he still seemed around her, not uncomfortable, more nervous. He was always so nervous, like a timid puppy, afraid of getting whacked in the nose upon his first false move. _

Ginny shook her head physically to clear the image from her mind. She didn't to think about Harry right then. She didn't want to think about Harry again for that matter. That person was gone down. She needed to concentrate on what was in front of her.

" What are you doing up here ? " she asked, as she came to sit down in the small niche beside Oliver.

" I remembered you telling me about this place. I wanted to see it myself. " His eyes drifted towards the horizon and clouded slightly. " Besides, you looked pretty occupied. I thought I'd give you a little space to figure out where you wanted to be. "

She moved to rest her back against his chest and pulled his arms around her. " I know exactly where I want to be. "

" Really ? " he whispered into her hair. " And where is that ? "

She settled further back into him and turned her face to kiss him. " Wherever you are. "

" And you're certain of that ? A little part of you isn't still downstairs in the living room ? " He asked, his voice louder this time as he took one of her hands in his.

" I couldn't be more certain. Every part of me is right here in your arms. " She nodded.

She felt him fumbling with something for a moment. Then he nudged her slightly. " I'm so glad you showed up when you did. I wanted this to be perfect and now it is. "

She looked to where he was trying to draw her attention and saw the sun setting behind the horizon in front of him, its breath taking beauty filling the sky with pink, orange and a pale yellow. She felt her breath catch in her throat at the splendor of the scene in front her.

Before she could recover completely, she felt Oliver raise his hand and hold something out in front of her.

Looking at his offering, she blinked twice before it registered what exactly it was. Then her breath caught again as the ring twinkled against the backdrop of the beautiful sunset.

" Marry me, Ginny. " he whispered in a quiet, unsure voice.


	7. Chapter 7

Harry Potter sat on the couch, trying to catch his breath. He let his eyes fall to the rug in front of the fire where the recent wrestling match between him and his Godchildren had taken place and he felt the deep sadness beginning to envelope him once again.

In another time, another place, he thought whimsically.

" Why is it every time I turn around you have that look on your face again ? "

His head jerked around to the kitchen door and fell on Mrs. Weasley brushing her hands on her apron.

" I was just thinking. " he offered, wishing his voice sounded stronger.

" You've been doing quite a bit of that since you came back, Dear. Would you like to talk about it ? " She took the chair beside the couch and eyed him carefully.

" I think I've talked about it all I want to today, actually. " He answered weakly.

She reached out and patted his hand. " Well, I'm here when you feel like talking. "

He nodded in appreciation. " I know. Thank you. And thank you for inviting me to Christmas. It was nice to be around everyone again. "

She pulled her hand back in surprise. " Harry, Dear, I didn't just invite you to Christmas. You're welcome to stay here as long as you like. You've always been welcome here. "

He glanced up at her with a smile. " I'm not sure everyone in the family feels the same way about that. I think it would probably be better if I just got a room at the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow. You have enough to worry about anyway. I don't want to be any trouble. "

" Nonsense, " she waved at him absently. " You are never any trouble. And who in this family told you you weren't welcome ? " Her eyes darkened for a moment, before she sighed and answered her own question. " Ginevra. "

Harry looked away. " She has every reason to be angry with me. I don't blame her. "

" Well, it isn't alright with me. Besides, she'll be leaving tomorrow anyway, skipping off to who knows where, doing who knows what. She doesn't like to keep in touch with us much anymore. "

" She's just having a hard time right now. I understand. She's been through a lot. " Harry argued.

" It's nice of you to defend her, Sweetheart. But there is nothing understandable about the way she's walked away from her family. " Mrs. Weasley huffed.

Harry slumped a little further into the couch and looked at her over the rim of his glasses. " But it is understandable that I took off like I did ? "

She snatched her eyes to his face for a moment then forced a weak smile. " I suppose I see your point. If I can forgive you for running away, I can forgive her. "

" She has her reasons. I'm sure of it. She loves you all very much. " he assured her.

Mrs. Wealey's eyes shop to his face once again. " She loves you, too, you know. "

Harry shook his head emphatically. " No, she doesn't. Maybe she did at one time, but not anymore. "

" You don't believe that. "

" No, " he leveled her with a steady, serious gaze. " I know it. We are over. Have been for a long while. Maybe the whole thing was a mistake from the beginning. "

She let a smile escape from her lips. " Now I know you don't believe that. " She shifted and began to study her hands resting in her lap. " You know, I always imagined that somehow one day you would really be part of this family. " She paused and threw up one hand. " I mean, I know you already are part of the family. But I'm talking about truly one of us. A Weasley. You belong here with us. You have since the first time you stepped inside this house. When you and Ginny started dating, I thought, this is it. This is how he can finally belong to us. " She raised her eyes and gave him a sad smile. " And for the first time, I didn't worry about her. Even though I knew she was so far away from me and things were happening that I had no control over. I knew you'd take care of her, no matter what. You would protect her. " Her eyes dropped to her hands again. " But more than that, I knew she was wasn't being taken advantage of, wasn't being pushed to do something she wasn't ready for. She wasn't being used and not cared for. Few parents get the opportunity to sleep at night that soundly when they have a teenage daughter so far from home. "

Harry shifted again and shoved his glasses further up his nose.

" Oh, don't start squirming, " she smiled. " All I'm trying to say is thank you. Thank you for being there for her when she really needed you. "

Harry felt the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes and closed them immediately before they had a chance to fall.

" I don't deserve to be thanked. I left her. I hurt her. How can you thank me for that ? " he asked, sitting forward.

" I'm not. I'm thanking you for being there for her when you were together. For treating her like a person during that time, instead of some object to paw and ogle. I know you, Harry. You're a good boy. You have always been a good boy. I could not have asked for a better boyfriend for my sixteen year old daughter. " She clarified.

Harry's mind instantly fell to the times he and Ginny had spent hiding in some deserted closet at Hogwarts or some unused corridor, pawing and ogling her. His face was blazing hot suddenly and he hid it in his hands for a moment, praying the blush would go away.

" Harry, " Mrs. Weasley snapped. " You can stop all that. I am perfectly aware that you and Ginny were close. All I'm saying is thank you for treating her with respect and love. "

He lowered his hands slowly. " There is no one in the World I respect more than Ginny. " he answered quietly.

" And I appreciate that. " she smiled and patted his leg. " Now, I think I'll go get the cookies before they burn. "

She rose from the chair and left the room with a swish of her skirt.

Harry sunk back into the cushions and let out a deep, long breath.

That was awkward and strange, he thought to himself.

" So, " he jerked forward and looked around at the new voice. Mr. Weasley was now entering the room from the stairs. " Harry, my boy, how has life been treating you since you've been away ? "

He took the chair his wife had just vacated and smiled at him warmly.

" Rather harshly, actually, Sir. " he answered.

" Well, I'm sorry to hear that. " He said with a loud breath. " But you're home now, back where you belong. Things will start looking up. Is there anything I can do to help you get settled ? "

" I don't really know yet. I haven't thought that far ahead. " Harry answered truthfully.

" Well, if you need a job, I still have a little influence at the ministry and I'm certain Percy or Ron would be happy to put a word in for you. " He offered.

" Really ? " Harry perked up. " That would be great. I was hoping to take the test to begin auror training. I wasn't really sure how to go about that. "

" Well, then, I'll have a word with Perce and we'll see what can be done about it. " he assured him.

Harry's face fell suddenly. He wondered if Mr. Weasley would even remember this conversation in a few minutes. "It's what I've always wanted to do. "

" I know it is. And I'm sure we can make it happen, especially with Ron's connections in the office. " he nodded and gave him a knowing wink. " Beside, Boy, you're Harry Potter. They would be lucky to have you. "

" Ron's connections, sir ? " he asked.

" Well, he works in the office himself. I'm sure he could put a word in for you. " Arthur stated absently.

" It's so nice having you back with us. We were all very worried about you. "

" I know. I'm sorry I made you worried. I really didn't mean to be gone so long. "

" Well, all that matters is you're back, that's the important thing. " he smiled and Harry felt his heart jerk at seeing the old familiar smile on his face instead of the far away vacant one that seemed to be there more often.

On a sudden instinct, Harry moved forward and enveloped the man in a hug. He wasn't sure why he did it. They had never really hugged before. It wasn't something they did. A pat on the back, a ruffle of hair, even a hand shake a time or two, but not actually hugging. It felt nice to be that close to him in his rare moment of clarity.

Arthur hugged him as furiously as he did his own children. And for once in his life, Harry felt like he was sure he would if it was his own father hugging him back. It was something he needed. A feeling of acceptance and a craving for forgiveness that he had to have.

As they each pulled away, both looked a touch teary eyed, as Ron shuffled into the room.

" Did I miss something ? " he asked, looking confused. " Did something happen ? "

" No, " Arthur waved him off. " Everything is fine. I want you to do something for us as a matter of fact. "

Ron's eyebrow's shot up. " What's that ? "

" I want you to put in a good word for Harry at the office. I think its time Harry did what he was always meant to do and follow in his parent's footsteps. " His father said, proudly sticking his chest out.

Ron nodded. " I can do that. I was already planning on asking you about it, Mate. I figured you'd still want to be an auror. Kingsley will be thrilled. He's getting old and tired. Looking for someone to take things over for him. "

" Well then, that's great. Its a done deal. " Arthur smiled.

" Thank you. Both of you. It really means a lot to me. " Harry said, quietly.

" Of course. It'll be great, working together. Just like old times. " Ron answered.

" Really, is Hermione there too ? "

" No, she's a curse breaker at St. Mungo's. She likes to help people, you know. It's not really in her to do the dirty work. She always hated that part of our adventuring. " Ron shrugged.

Then Ron and his father looked at each other, a quick glance passing between them.

Harry noticed and cleared his throat. " Is there something I should know ? "

" No, it's nothing. I'm sure it won't be a problem. " Ron said, impassively.

" What won't be a problem ? " Harry persisted.

" Well, it's just.. " he paused as if about to deliver some terrible news. " Ginny. "

" What about her ? " Harry sat up straighter.

" She works with me. She's an auror. "

His heart sunk to the bottom of his chest as he sank back into the couch.

Ginny couldn't remember ever feeling happier in her life. She glanced down at the sparkling diamond on her finger, before looking back at the man in front of her and smiled brightly.

" Mum, is going to flip. " She told him as he circled his arms around her and pulled her tightly against him.

" I know it isn't huge. " Oliver said from over her shoulder where he had her back pressed into his broad, firm chest.

She spun in his arms. " Are you mad ? It's perfect. I love it. "

" Really ? I instantly thought of you when I saw it. I just knew it had to be that one. "

" Oliver, I love you. "

He was kissing her again, on the rooftop of her house, in her special, secret spot and she knew deep down that she had made the right choice. This was what she wanted. Stability, security, love, it was all there, all in her grasp. She pushed down the one small shred of doubt that continued to linger in the back of her mind. The tiny part of her that screamed in triumph every time a raven haired, green eyed man in glasses was around. She didn't want to hear that right then.

This moment belonged to her and Oliver and she didn't want thoughts of Harry Potter mucking that up. She was happy, happier than she remembered being in ages. Almost as happy as the day in fifth year when Harry had grabbed her in front of the entire common room, filled with people and kissed her so throughly.

No, she spat silently. There would be none of that. It was unacceptable. No more Harry Potter.

Oliver pulled away from her and gave her a furrowed brow. " What is it ? "

She shook her head and kissed him once again. " Nothing. It's nothing. I love you so much. I can't believe how lucky I am. "

" I love you, too, Ginny. You are the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time. " he whispered into her hair.

As they made their way quickly down the stairs, Ginny felt her heart skipping in her chest. It was wonderful to feel so, she tried helplessly to put a word on her emotions, finally she decided on giddy. She felt giddy. A giggle bubbled under the surface as she burst into the kitchen, finding her parents sitting at the table sipping tea. Percy stood in the refrigerator, eying its interior carefully.

She wanted to wait until everyone was gathered together, but she knew Percy would be leaving soon, as would Bill and Fleur and she had no idea when everyone would be together again. Besides, she couldn't contain herself a moment longer.  
" What is it, Ginny ? " her mother asked, looking up from the paper in her hand. " You look as if you're about to burst. "

Ginny shoved her hand in front of her, displaying the ring. " Oliver and I are getting married. " she practically shouted as her excitement spilled from her at last.

Molly dropped her paper and grabbed her hand as she rose from the chair. " Oh, my Gosh, that's wonderful. Its a beautiful ring, Dear. " her mother gushed as she pulled her into a hug.

Percy came over and patted Oliver on the back before enveloping Ginny in a quick hug. " That's great news. I hope you will be as happy as Penelope and I are. "

Ginny resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she was tugged forward by her mother who was showing the ring to her father.

" Look, Arthur. Ginny is getting married. Isn't that wonderful ? " she said in that patient voice once again.

Arthur rose from his chair quickly and came to stand in front of Oliver. " Harry, my boy, you better take care of her. " he said in a loud voice that resounded off the walls of the kitchen.

" I better take care of who ? " Harry asked, as he stepped into the room just as Ginny's face was falling and Molly was looking around in alarm.

Arthur spun towards Harry with a look of confusion on his face. " Take care of my little girl, of course." he beamed at seeing him.

Molly shook her hand and patted his hand indulgently. " Arthur, Ginny isn't marrying Harry. She's marrying Oliver. You remember Oliver. You met him earlier today. "

Arthur jerked his hand away and looked from Harry to Oliver once again confused. " I don't understand. Why isn't Ginny marrying Harry ? And who the blazes is this Oliver ? "

Molly glanced over at Oliver and Ginny's stricken faces. " I'm so sorry. He doesn't mean anything by it. Really he doesn't. I'm sure he thinks your a perfectly fine boy, Oliver. "

Percy came up and took his father's hand. " Come on, Dad. Let's go take a nap. Doesn't that sound good ? "

They heard him talking to him as he lead his father up the stairs, shifting the room into silence.

Mrs. Weasley turned to Harry. " Ginny was just telling us that she and Oliver are getting Married. Isn't that wonderful, Harry ? "

She looked at him pleadingly, silently urging him to save the situation and Harry as always, did it perfectly.

" Congratulations. " he smiled as he first clasped Oliver's shoulder, then hugged Ginny briefly. " You are a lucky man, Oliver. "

Finally Oliver smiled. And Ginny did her best to ignore the butterflies that suddenly fluttered to life in her stomach as Harry's body contacted hers.

" Thank you, Potter. I know I am. " the older boy agreed as he was suddenly beaming once again.

Ginny let him take the lead, and latched on to the joyous feeling that had enveloped her only a moment before.

" What's all the commotion ? " Hermione asked, as she and Ron entered the room with George on their heels.

" Oliver and Ginny are getting married. " Harry said with a tense, tight smile.

Hermione cast a quick glance at him before the congratulations began to fly around the room and Ginny shifted uneasily. In that one look that fell between the two, she knew that her friend had chosen her side in the debate and it wasn't Ginny and Oliver's.

She should have known beforehand, she supposed. Of course Hermione would chose to look after Harry. She always had. It was a given. Hermione had always be on Harry's side and if you weren't, she wasn't on yours. Ginny had hoped that seeing her go through everything she had gone through in the last years would have shifted at least a little of that support her way. She wanted to know that her best friend felt she was doing the right thing.

But that look had killed that hope. Hermione thought she was making a mistake. Even as she hugged her and wished her as much happiness as she deserved, she knew it was only surface deep. She knew deep down that her sister-in-law was no longer a person she could count on for support. At least not about this anyway.

George looked almost as confused as he father had. He kept looking from Harry to Oliver, then back to her, like he was expecting some sort of explosion any second. The entire thing was ridiculous and Ginny suddenly wished she was anywhere other than standing in that room with those people.

" Have you thought about a date yet ? " Mrs. Weasley asked, as she tried to hide the fact that she was nudging George in the ribs.

" I was thinking maybe early spring. " Oliver announced, looking down at Ginny. " If that's okay with you, that is. "

Ginny smiled up at him. " I think that sounds great. "

" Well, then we have a lot to do between now and then. " Molly went on. " Do you want a big wedding or something simple ? "

" Mum, we really haven't had a chance to talk about any of this. " Ginny sighed.

" Well, I hope at least, with this wedding coming up, I'll get to see more of you. "

She looked away from her mother and tried without much success to ignore the biting comment. " I'll be around, Mum. But right now, I think we need to be getting back home. I have to be at work tomorrow and Oliver needs to check in at Hogwarts."

After a few quick goodbyes and promises to get together to discuss the wedding as soon as possible she took Oliver's hand and tugged him upstairs to gather their things.

" I think that went pretty well. " he said, once they were alone in her room. " I suppose it could have gone worse. "

" I was just thinking about what a disaster it was, actually. " she muttered, flinging herself down on the bed.

" Well, I guess maybe that's my fault a little. I should have waited, especially with Harry showing up. But I've been planning this for months. I didn't want the opportunity to pass by. "

" No, it's fine. The timing was perfect. " she sat up and adjusted the burnt orange sweater she was wearing. " You shouldn't have had to alter your plans just because he decided to pop up after all this time. "

" You know, " he sighed and came to sit beside her, taking one of her hands in his. " I can't believe I'm saying this, I'll probably kick myself for it later, but I'm sure he had his reasons for being gone like he was. "

Her eyes widened in surprise and her brows shot up to her hairline. " Please tell me you're not defending him. "

He flexed his shoulders. " Maybe a little. Harry has never been the flighty type. I'm sure something kept him away all those years. He's a good guy. I've played beside him. I've fought beside him. The Harry I know wouldn't disappear like that without a really good reason. "

She jerked her hand out of his and stood abruptly. " I don't want to hear this. I don't care what kept him away, nothing kept him from keeping in touch. "

" Okay, " he said, raising his hands in defeat and standing. " I was just trying to help. But we'll drop it. We won't talk about it again. "

" Alright. " she huffed. " Thank you. "

She grabbed her jacket off the floor and began looking around the room, searching for a small box that held a necklace Bill and Fleur had given her for Christmas. " Have you seen my necklace ? Did I leave it downstairs ? "

" I haven't seen it in a while. But I thought the box was in your pocket when we were on the roof. " He answered, off handedly as he began gather her things together, getting ready to leave.

" It must have fallen out of my pocket. " she mumbled. " Why don't you go and check in at school ? I'll go find it and we can met back at my flat later tonight. "

He nodded and took her into his arms. " Alright, I guess I'll see you later tonight. " He kissed her sweetly. " I love you. "

" I love you, too. " she answered, with one last kiss before he left the room.


	8. Chapter 8

" I told you not to call me again. " She knew the voice the moment she stepped onto the roof, knew it as well as her own. It still caused her stomach to flop, her pulse to race. Well of course it did, she tried to be logical as she watched him standing there speaking quietly into the cell phone in his hand.

She had been in love with him since she was ten years old. Of course she would always have feelings for him.

She stepped into the light, making sure he noticed her before he said something he didn't want her to hear. He inclined his head in her direction, acknowledging her presence and she went about looking for the lost gift that had brought her back to the roof to begin with.

" I have nothing left to say to you. I've told you this. Just leave me alone. " He snapped the phone shut with a click and shoved it back into his pocket impatiently.

" I see you have one of those, too. They're very convenient. " Ginny said, searching the ground with her gaze.

" I was about to throw mine off this roof, to be honest. I didn't figure anyone here would have one. And there is no one in New York that I want to talk to again. " He sighed heavily, causing his broad chest to expand against the black t-shirt he was wearing. She noticed this out of the corner of her eye, and chided herself silently for allowing her attention to drift in his direction at all.

" Well, It's your choice. Throw it if you want, but we all have one. Mum even carries one in her apron. Beside, " she finally looked up at him with sharp eyes, " Maybe you could try actually keeping in touch with the people you've left behind this time. It's a novel idea, I know. But it could be worth the try. "

He dropped his eyes after searching her face for a moment and she heard him draw in a shaky breath.

" Ginny, please, are we going to be like this from now on ? "  
She nodded sarcastically. " Yeah, I guess we are. " Then she went back to her searching.

" Are you looking for something ? Maybe I can help ? "

" I dropped my Christmas present here, "she turned to him and gave him a satisfied smile. "When Oliver proposed earlier. "

She noticed it again, that quick, sharp flash of familiar eyes, once again. This time it took a moment longer for it to become replaced by the sad, mournful look.

" What's it look like ? " he asked, coming beside her and searching the ground as well.

" It looks like a small black box. I think it fell out of my pocket. " she snapped, before turning to face him again. " What the hell are you doing up here anyway ? "

" What ? " he asked, shocked by her suddenly outburst. " I was just trying to find a little privacy. "

" This is my place. You have no business up here in my place. " she insisted.

Something passed through his eyes and he took a step closer to her. " As I remember it, you turned this from you're place to ours when you invited me up here to share it with you. I seem to recall you telling me that in those exact words. Don't tell me you don't remember the night I'm talking about ? "

She stepped back quickly, nearly fumbling in her haste to put some space between them. " Yeah, I remember it. " she muttered, " Fine, I guess you have as much right to be here as I do, are you happy now ? "

" Not especially. " he answered.

" Well what would make you happy, Harry ? Because we all know that's the only thing that really matters to you, making you happy. " she snapped.

He reached out and almost touched her shoulder before dropping his hand at her scornful glance. " You know that isn't true. "

" No, I don't know that. From what I've seen, it's very true. "

" I had to leave, Ginny. I needed to get my head together. " he tried to explain. " The plan was to figure out who I really was and come back here to be what you needed me to be. "

" Well, that isn't exactly how things played out, is it ? " she stepped back again, this time her heel slipped on the roof's edge and she started to slip.

Harry grabbed her arm, pulling her into his chest to keep her from falling.

Suddenly, his smell was enveloping her, the sound of his breathing filling her ears. He was so close, she could feel his warmth and it was pushing into her, the warm air rolling off him, filling her lungs. He looked down at her, stilling her completely with his heated gaze.

His breath hitched in his chest and she fixated on his Adam's Apple as it bobbed nervously.

She summoned up all the courage she could and forced herself to look into his eyes. She only got a glance of that burning familiar look once again, before his lips were on hers and she was falling again.

But he was there to catch her, holding her against him. Pulling her, pressing her and she let him, even with the warning signals screaming in her mind, she let him. The sound of her blood roaring in her ears finally drowned them out completely as she melted against him, lost in the feelings he was creating inside her.

His finger brushed over her waist, sliding under her shirt to feel the skin underneath. As soon as he made contact with her flesh, a groan escaped her lips, causing a returning one from him.

She felt her bones turn to mush and her body melted into his, making it difficult to tell where one stopped and the other started.

Then it was over with a gush of wind, sending a chill over her as if dousing her in ice water. He shrank back suddenly, a horrified look matching hers on his face.

" I'm sorry, " he mumbled. " I didn't mean to. "

Her eyes blazed fire at him and she huffed audibly. " Let me know of you find that box. "

Then she turned on her heel and stalked away from him, her face still burning with the a passion he had somehow awakened in her, a fire she hadn't realized was dead, now blazing back to life with a roar of emotion.

She raced down the stairs, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. She didn't want to hear him following her. She didn't want to hear him breathing behind her. Her heart speed, thumping wildly against her chest as she continued to descend as quickly as possible until she finally spilled out into the yard.

Then she squinted her eyes shut as tightly as she could and carried herself away from her parents house.

Harry Potter had decided a while ago that he wasn't especially fond of night time. There had been a point in his life when the night time was something he looked forward to. He did, after all, like the stars. He had always enjoyed looking up at the stars. It seemed to him that the stars were one of the few universal things in the world. Muggle or Wizard, everyone shared the same stars. Muggles might see them a bit differently than Wizards, but that didn't change the fact that they were indeed the very same stars.

He drew the cool air into his lungs and thought very hard about getting up and returning inside to the warmth of the house, but he just couldn't get up the strength to move just yet. He didn't have it in him to make the effort.

Still, he really didn't like the night. The stars didn't seem to hold the same attraction for him any longer. It was something he and Ginny had shared a lifetime ago. Something very, them. They had spent hours laying on this very roof, looking up at the stars. He had lost his attraction for the stars the day of Dumdledore's funeral when he had to tell her he couldn't see her anymore. Since then, the stars just didn't twinkle as brightly for him. And the night, well, the night was a cold, lonely place.

He adjusted his glasses as he finally mustered the energy to stand and went back into the house.

He was certain she was gone by now. There was no way she would linger after what had just happened. She probably took off, running back to Oliver's arms the moment she escaped the roof. That thought turned his stomach sour. He hadn't really meant to kiss her. It was just that kissing Ginny was the most natural thing in the world to him when she was in his arms.

Harry had never been especially comfortable with physical contact. There was a few people, of course, that were the except to this rule, but on average, hugging, kissing, even a companionable pat on the back were not things he was accustomed to. He had, after all, spent his childhood without the luxury of human contact. This resulted in Harry having a rather larger than average personal space.

But it seemed to him, when Ginny was around that that space melted away. And physical contact became, at once, a comfort rather than a strain.

So when he grabbed her to keep her from falling off the roof, and was suddenly looking down into those eyes and feeling her so close against him, he hadn't been able to stop himself. It was a physical impossibility. Even with the sirens blazing in his head, even though he fully expected to be jinx beyond his imagining, he couldn't stop himself. Besides, it didn't take long before the beast in his chest that always responded to her, drowned out the sounds of the sirens completely, with its content purring.

Plus, he missed her. He missed the way he felt when she was with him. She made him feel like everything would alright somehow, like anything was possible.

Still, he considered, it hadn't been one of his more brilliant moves. And as someone who was constantly making the most UN-brilliant moves, that was saying something. He was sure that after that kiss, they would never be able to have even a friendly relationship between them. She hated him now, of that there was no doubt.

He had really hoped that he would be able to return here and try to rebuild some sort of relationship with her. That thought had carried him through even in his darkest moments, and there had been quite a few dark moments.

He closed his eyes as he sunk down into the couch in front of the fire and tried to block out the imagines in his mind that came flooding in uninvited. Imagines of those incredible eyes looking up at him. She had seemed so vulnerable and small in that moment before his lips were on hers. And she tasted so good and smell so good.

He had spent eight years trying to forget how wonderful she smelled. How delicious she tasted. He had never managed it, of course. The memory of her was a stubborn one, one he couldn't escape from. He wondered why exactly that was. It was a thought that kept him up at night in fact. He wondered why he was never able to forget her. He even fancied for a moment or two that it was because they were destined to be together, made for each other somehow. That they were fated.

But those romantic notions slipped away as soon as reality started to close in one him once again. And it always did, baring down with its heavy weight that seemed to suffocate him with its bulk.

He rose once again and looked around the room one more time, giving it a quick glance and storing it in his memory. He had taken to doing that, paying attention to his surroundings a little more. He was storing up the images in his mind, like a collection of photographs. Because if the past eight years had taught him anything, it was that you never knew where life was going to take you and he liked the reassurance that he had all his favorite places stored up. He simply had to cast his mind back where ever he wanted to be and he could remember every little detailed.

But right then, he had things to do and plans to make. And his first stop on that long to do list was the Leaky Cauldron.

Ginny was upset. She was confused, tense and her mind would not stop screaming at her. She felt horrible. Oliver loved her. She had no business standing on a roof kissing Harry Potter. More to the point, she had no business liking it so very much. She loved Oliver, damn it. She had plans and she was settled. She was getting everything she wanted.

Why did he have to show up right then and mess up all those plans ? Why now ? A year earlier or a year later and it wouldn't have been a problem. It would have been fine. Last year everything was so new and unsure between her and Oliver, it wouldn't have been unreasonable to think that she might still have feelings for Harry. A year from now, she would be settled, married, maybe even with a baby. It would have been easy to walk away from him. To tell him he had absolutely no chance at all with her.

But now, she was confused and upset and she hated that feeling.

She tried the phone once again, but Oliver still wasn't answering. She cursed under her breath and fought to urge to throw the phone against the wall.

She needed a drink, she decided. For a moment she considered heading over to the three broomsticks, or the Hog's head, but she didn't really feel like being around people who knew her and there was always a familiar face lurking in those particular hang outs.

She grabbed her black cloak from the back of one of her kitchen chairs, threw it over her shoulder and headed out the door.

The Leaky Cauldron was just exactly as dark and warm as she always remembered it being. It was a treat coming here as a child. It was the beginning for her. The start of the new year at school. The annual trip to Diagon Alley always began at the Leaky Cauldron. She had always felt a deep affinity for the place and tonight was no different.

After grabbing a barstool and ordering a drink, she sat back, physically relaxed her shoulders and waited for it to arrived. When it did she emptied it quickly and ordered another, then another and another, until the hot liquid warmed her from the inside out.

She normally wasn't one to be cold. She was hot natured. Typically she didn't wear a coat, even when she probably should. Her bed clothes were always in a pile at her feet in the morning when she woke. She didn't like sitting too close to a fireplace. But in the last few hours, she was decidedly chilled. She suspected that had nothing to do with the coldness outside, however.

She lolled her head from side to side, stretching the tight muscles in her neck and shoulders, as she took another drink. It was time to put the entire Harry incident behind her. She would be back at work the next day and her life would once again start to appear normal. She just couldn't let herself continue to think about him anymore. Just because he was back in the Wizarding world didn't mean he was back in her life. She would make herself pretend he was still gone.

She was almost at the point in her self convincing that it all seemed perfectly reasonable and doable, when she heard Tom, the bar's owner, speaking loudly over the quiet droning of the crowd.

" Harry Potter, it's nice to see you again. Its' been years. "

Ginny spun on her chair for an instant, casting her eyes over to the door, before pulling her cloak tighter around her and burying her head in her hands.

Harry and Tom were at the other end of the bar, talking in muted tones down. His voice drifted to her occasionally, making her stomach give that same familiar flip. Was this how it was going to be from now on ? Was she destined to be unable to get away from him even for a little while ?

It was going to make forgetting he existed awful hard if he kept showing up every time she turned around, she decided.

She slinked off the stool, buried her head in the collar of the cloak and tried to make her way to the door unnoticed.

" Hey, Harry, there's one of your old mates from school. " Tom said, loudly once again. " Ginny, look who's here. It's Harry Potter. "

Ginny sighed and lowered the cloak back around her shoulders. " Hi, Harry. Fancy meeting you here, huh ? "

Harry simply shrugged and tried to not appear as uncomfortable as the look on his face said he was. "I'm getting a room here until I can find a place of my own. I didn't want to impose on your family. "

" Well, that's very thoughtful of you. Did you tell Mum or did you just sneak off without a word ? "she snapped as he stepped up to her.

" No, I told her. " he answered, with a sharpness in his tone that couldn't be misunderstood.

She gruffed at him and gave a sarcastic smile. " I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks. "

Before he could say anything else, she tugged at her cloak and went out the door, the bells over the jamb adding a soundtrack to her escape.

She didn't get far. She was barely out the door before she felt an arm on her shoulder spinning her back towards the door.

" Can we please stop this ? " he demanded. " I'm so tired and I don't want to fight with you. I've spent so much time fighting. Can't you please at least try to forgive me ? "

" Tell me why you didn't come back sooner. " she countered.

He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it quickly before the words manifested and looked away from her. " I can't do that. Not right now. It isn't you and I'm not hiding anything. I just can't talk about it right now. "

" Why not, Harry ? Why can't you talk about it ? You come back here and expect everyone to just forgive and forget without so much as an explanation for why you were gone for so long. I just can't forgive you that easily. I can't. I need something from you to make this better. " she told him, still trying to pull her arm out of his grasp, which had slipped to her elbow.

A loud clap of thunder boomed across the sky and they both glanced up at the stars that were no longer visible behind the dark cloud cover.

" Maybe you should be getting home before it storms. " he said, releasing her and stepping back a pace.

The words were no sooner out of his mouth than heavy, fat droplets of rain began to fall on them.

She hesitated, wanting to get inside more than anything, but hating the thought of being alone in her flat during the coming storm.

" I think I'll go back inside and wait the storm out, actually. Can you please just leave me in peace while I have a drink ? "

He nodded. " Sure. Have your drink. I'll just go up to my room. "

Another clap of thunder caused her to jump in surprise as a bright blue lightning strike stabbed at the ground.

" Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you while you have your drink ? I know how much you hate storms. " he offered.

Her first instinct was to tell him absolutely no. She needed to tell him she didn't want him around her, didn't want him being nice to her. She still needed to hate him, but he was making that very difficult.

" If you wouldn't mind. " she found herself mumbling.

" I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. "

She let him lead her inside and oddly enough back to the same barstool she had recently vacated.

" You knew I was here. " she muttered as she settled on the seat.

" Yeah, I was just trying to give you your space. " he admitted.

" I was hoping you hadn't noticed me. "

" That's not possible. I am always very aware of you when your in the same room. " he said and then instantly looked like he regretted it.

Ginny however was too busy with the feelings of euphoria his words had caused in her mind to noticed his discomfort. She suddenly felt like she was in school again, looking over at the man she loved, the man she couldn't believe wanted her too, her fantasy made real.

Suddenly she stopped herself, putting a halt to her thoughts like she was applying the brakes on a muggle car, complete with the loud screech of rubber against pavement. She had to stop this. She couldn't allow herself to feel what she was feeling.

" Maybe I should go. " she told him as she began to slip off the stool. " I don't think this was a good idea, after all. "

He reached for her hand, placing his much larger one over hers and she froze abruptly, drinking in the warmth of that simple touch. " Wait, just for a bit. I'm sure the storm won't last long and I promise I won't say anything I shouldn't from now on. "

She settled back on the stool and took one of the two glasses of amber colored liquid Tom had just placed in front of them. " You know, " she began, taking a drink. " it isn't that you're saying inappropriate things, its' that you're feeling them in the first place. "

" I know, " he mumbled into his own glass. " I'm trying to stop. I really am. I want us to try to be friends again. I remember there was a time when you and I were really great friends. "

" I'm not sure you and I can ever be friends like that again. " she answered, the liquor making her head swim a bit.

He covered her hand again. " Don't say that. Please don't say that. "

" Not saying it out loud doesn't make it any less true, Harry. "

" Then tell me what to do to make it less true. Tell me how I can make it all up to you. " he pleaded.

" I'm not sure you can. "

She drained the last of her drink and had barely sat the glass down before Tom had it refilled. Her body already felt a little boneless and she wondered for a moment whether it was from Harry's presence so close to her or from the liquor she had already consumed. She decided it was probably a little of both. So instead of picking up the glass, she contented herself with watching him in silence as he finished off his glass. Her eyes seemed to fixate once again on his Adam's Apple bobbing as he swallowed.

God, she wanted more than anything to put her lips around it and feel his pulse thumping wildly against her tongue.

She almost fell off the stool as the image entered her mind and he put a hand out to steady her.

Where the hell had that thought come from ? She shouldn't be thinking about things like that. She couldn't let herself think things like that.

But the memory of the taste of his skin filled her mouth, overpowering the taste of the whiskey and infusing in her finally that feeling of warmth she had been seeking all evening.

His lips were moving and a look of concern took over his handsome face. She tried to focus on his words but her mind refused to cooperate with her. There was only one thing on her mind. It was like a compulsion. She could not make her body stop leaning towards him. Could not stop herself from lacing one hand around the back of his head and drawing him down to her mouth.

Her body screamed in triumph as his mouth moved against hers and his hands fell to her waist, practically dragging her from her stool and onto his lap.


	9. Chapter 9

Thunder rolled, loud and threatening outside causing the window to rattle with its intensity. Harry sat in a chair right under it watching the woman sleeping peacefully in his bed, oblivious to the storm raging.

She lay on her side curled around a pillow that was tucked under her beautiful chin. Milky, porcelain skin rested against the dark green of his sheets and her fiery hair splayed out behind her like a halo of fire around her shoulders. His eyes drifted across her shoulder and fell to the rise of her breast, the curve of her hip, the bend in her legs.

She was so incredibly breathtakingly exquisite, every detailed perfection. He wondered how it was possible for anyone to be that flawless or for that matter, how she managed to make it all seem so effortless. Even in sleep, she was perfect.

A dark shadow fell across his brow as he remembered the last time he had watched a woman sleeping. The feeling was so very different then. Ginny inspired in him a sense of relaxed peacefulness, whereas, Samantha had been nothing but stress and turmoil. From the moment he met her, she had caused him nothing but grief. He felt an enormous sense of guilt for feeling glad that she was no longer in his life. But he was unable to stop feeling it. He felt so bad at the time that he had been unable to shed even a single tear. It was terrible for a husband to not be able to muster up even the slightest bit of grief over his wife's passing. All he felt was relief and a twinge of pity that a life had ended so young. But he was incapable of more than that.

Even now, he still couldn't find it in him to miss her. There hadn't been a single thing about her that made him wish she was still around. How was it possible to live with someone for four years and not find even the tiniest thing to miss when they were no longer around ?

He tried at first. He really had tried to make himself learn to feel something for a woman that he never wanted to be with to start with. He tried tirelessly to keep the peace in a house full of chaos.

Samantha was the most demanding, unreasonable, unsavory woman he had ever met and that included Dolores Umbridge. So for him to think something like that was no small thing.

She kept him continually tired in knots, trying to please her and always failing.

He should have left immediately upon learning that she was not, in fact pregnant like she claimed to be in order to get him to marry her. He should have taken off then and counted his blessings. And he would have if it hadn't been for a random incident on the subway. His mind was made up. He was determined to pack his bags and return home as hastily as possible.

But then he happened upon Seamus Finnegan and he quickly changed his mind. It was less than a year after he left. Seamus was as surprised to see him as Harry was. But it wasn't until he asked about Ginny that his world crumbled and he decided he was better off staying put and trying to make his marriage work.

Seamus told him that Ginny was seeing Michael Corner. Six months, he had been gone and while they weren't together when he left, it was still a blow to him. Somehow he expected her to wait for him. He expected that she would at least understand why he left and give him a chance to get himself together and return to her. It was ridiculous and stupid, he realized. If he had truly wanted her to wait for him then he should have kept in touch with her.

But still, the knowledge that he had been so quickly and easily replaced caused him to run back to Samantha and try once again to build something from their nothing.

That had never worked. He had never been able to build anything but resentment and hate between them. Then the day came when she announced once again that she was pregnant. He hadn't believed her, especially since it came only a day after he told her he was leaving once again.

But as it turned out she was indeed pregnant this time and after an extremely difficult pregnancy for her and him both, they had a little boy. Samantha insisted on naming him Samuel after herself, of course.

It wasn't until four years later when Sam became sick that Harry learned the whole awful truth about everything.

Ginny stirred in her sleep and he turned his attention back to her and realized she was looking back at him under sleepy, hooded eyes.

" How did I get here ? " she asked, groggily. " Where exactly is here ? "

" You're in my room. You had a little too much to drink, so I brought you up here to rest. " he explained. " I hope that was okay. "

She sat up and he watched her as she looked around the cramped, dingy room. " You aren't really going to live here, are you ? "

" That's the plan, yes. " he answered with a wayward smile.

" You should have stayed at the Burrow. "

" I would have. It's just that I'm not much fun to be around lately and I didn't want to add to your Mum's burdens. This is better. " he said, shifting uncomfortably.

" Why is that ? "

" Why don't I want to burden your Mum ? " he asked, confused. " Well, I guess because I really like her and I don't want her to go through any trouble for me. "

She gave him a sarcastic smile and inclined her head. " I meant, why aren't you much fun lately ? "

He had known what she meant, but once again, he really didn't feel like sharing his sad story with her.

" I'm just readjusting to life here. I need some time on my own. "

" You've had eight years on your own. Don't you think that was enough time ? "

" I wasn't on my own. " he mumbled. " I've never had the chance to be on my own. "

Her eyes fell for a moment before they flashed back up to his. " Who were you with, if you weren't on your own ? "

His shoulders shook as he drew in a breath. " You'll just get angry again, if we get into all this. Can't we just enjoy the fact that you aren't mad at me at the moment ? "

" Why will I be angry ? " She moved to the side of the bed, coming closer to him and lowering her voice to a soft, pliant tone that didn't fool him for a second.

Sooner or later, he figured, they would have to have this discussion. He had just hoped for later. " Her name was Samantha. "

" Samantha, " she repeated as if testing the name on her lips. " And who exactly was Samantha ? "

He stood from the chair and turned his back to her, not wanting to see her face when she learned what he had done to her, to them. " She was my wife. "

She didn't answer him. In fact, she didn't even move. Finally, unable to keep himself from it, he turned and instantly wished he hadn't.

Ginny was not a weepy person. In fact, there were only a very few times he could remember that he had seen her cry. And all of those had been truly monumental events. But now she sat on the edge of the bed, tears falling down her face, disturbing her make up and causing his heart to sink to his stomach.

" I'm sorry, Ginny. " he whispered as he sat down beside her. " I didn't want to marry her. She left me with no choice. "

" And why is that ? Did she hold a gun to your head ? " she snapped as her eyes flashed fire at him.

" No, she told me she was pregnant. She lied to me. Actually she used me. From the moment she met me she used me. " he tried to explain.

She sat back slightly and batted at her face with the back of her hand. " How long was this after you left us ? "

" What ? "

" How long were you gone before you shagged this tramp that you married ? " she spat.

" About a week. " he said quietly. " I went to a bar one night. She came up to me and we started talking, the next thing I knew I was waking up in her flat the next morning. I don't have a clue how I got there. I guess I drank too much. "

" You got drunk and had sex with this woman a week after leaving me. Was this your way of finding out who you were ? Of getting your head together ? "

She was on her feet now, oblivious to the sounds of the storm outside. He wanted to take her into his arms and plead for her forgiveness. He had had no intentions of getting involved with anyone else when he left her. And her reactions was nothing short of what he had expected.

Well, to be totally honest, he had expected to be dodging hexes by now. Luckily she was still wand less however her pacing had taken on a dangerous air.

" I didn't mean for it to happen, Ginny. I swear. I didn't go looking for her. I didn't even approach her. She came up to me. She started talking to me. I was still in love with you. Why would I go looking for someone else, when I knew you were at home waiting for me ? "

She spun towards him and rested her hands on her hips. " Yet, you just happened to end up in her bed. And you just happened to end up marrying her. Is that what you're telling me ? You're saying that even though you knew full well I was here waiting for you, even though you knew I would put my entire life on hold, you still married this woman, thinking you were going to have a child with her ? And in all this, you never once thought, 'Hey maybe I should let Ginny know what's going on. I'll bet she'd like to know. "

He dropped his eyes to the floor, studying the worn, tattered carpeting under his feet. " I really don't have any excuse for not owling you. I should have. I should have told you what was going on. I am so sorry for that. I guess I was just too much of a coward to admit to you what I had done. "

She huffed and stomped her foot, causing him to look up. " You know what I hate the most in all this?"

He shook his head, despite knowing that the question was rhetorical.

" It's that you haven't really come back. " she said, bluntly. " You look like you and you sound like you. But you aren't you. " She paused long enough to search his eyes for a moment. " Every once in a while, I see you staring back at me. Like the real you is in there, hiding behind those pitiful eyes. "

He stood and stepped close to her. " I am here. This is me. This is the person I've become, it's all that's left. "

Her brow furrowed in confusion. " You faced the darkest wizard the world has ever known. Yet this woman turned you into this. You must have been devastated to lose her. "

" I wasn't devastated when she died. I was elated. " he blurted out, before stopping himself.

The furrow deepened and her mouth hung open for a moment before she muttered, " How can you say that ? "

" I can say that because she was the most awful person I have ever met. She used me over and over again. She was hateful and arrogant and mean spirited. " He tried to explain. " I hate that I felt better after she died than I had in years. When the police showed up at my door and told me she had an accident, I could barely keep the smile from my face. And I felt wretched for it. I felt like she had slowly turned me into her. "

She was still staring at him with an opened mouth, horrified look on her face. " But you married her. How could you marry someone you felt nothing for ? "

It was his turn to begin pacing as he pushed his glasses up further on his face. " I told you, she told me she was pregnant. When I found out she wasn't, we were already married. I was already trapped. "

" You could have gotten a divorce. " she mumbled.

" I planned on it. Then I ran into Seamus on the subway. And he told me how well you were doing and how you were seeing Michael Corner and that you were pretty serious. " He stopped pacing in front of her and wanted so badly to reach out and take her shoulders in his hands, but he didn't dare. He could feel the anger rolling off her in waves. " I was so hurt. I had only been gone about six months at that time. I couldn't believe you had moved on so quickly, gotten over me so easily. Especially since you were all I ever thought about. "

" Harry, you got married. I don't think you had much right to be anger at me or jealous. Obviously you moved on before I did. " she said quietly. " But for the record, Michael Corner and I were never together. We are friends. He helped me through me Auror training. I haven't even seen or heard from him in years. "

Harry blinked at her in surprise. " Why would Seamus lie to me ? "

" Probably to protect me. " she told him. " I was a mess. A complete mess for a long time after you left. Ron, Hermione and I, we all were. We spent every waking moment searching for you, following lead after lead. All dead ends of course. We even called the DA together and got them to help us search. Did you tell him you were married when you talked to him ? "

Harry shook his head. " No, of course not. It wasn't something I was proud of. " Then he stopped and tried to suppress a shudder. " But I was wearing my ring. Samantha insisted I wear it all the time. At first I took it off every chance I got. It felt like a cold lump of steel on my finger, like it was dragging me down. But I guess I got more lazy as time went on. I stopped even trying to pretend she wasn't there. "

Her face softened for a moment and for an instant his heart leaped as he thought she might reach out and touch him. But she didn't and it plummeted back to the bottom of his stomach faster than it had risen.

" Okay, so that explains the first six months. But eight years, why eight years ? "

He sunk down onto the bed and let his face fall to his heads propped on his knees. " Because she really did get pregnant. About a year after I saw Seamus, she turned up pregnant. Funny thing was, I was an idiot. In the entire two years we had known each other, we had sex exactly twice. She knew very well how much I despised her. She didn't pretend not to. Mostly what kept us together was her family. She kept putting me off every time I mentioned leaving. Saying just wait a little longer. See her father was sick. And being from a religion that didn't accept divorce, she didn't want him to die knowing she had gotten one. So I waited. " He sighed. " I waited because as far as I knew, I didn't have anything to come back to anyway. Besides I didn't want to come back and find you in love with Michael. I didn't want to have to watch that. So I stayed. One night, she made us drinks after dinner, a lot of drinks and I ended up in her bed once again. "

" You had separate beds ? "

" We had separates everything. Her family were the only people we even acted like we liked each other around. Everyone else we knew, knew how much we hated each other. " he answered.

She came to sit beside him, well out of his reach, yet still, she was sitting beside him. It was a start anyway. " So, you got drunk again and shagged her again. "

" Apparently so, or at least I assume so. " He nodded.

" What do you mean, assume so ? She got pregnant this time, right ? "

" Yeah, she was definitely pregnant this time. " he agreed. " But he wasn't mine. Of course I didn't know that little gem of information until much later and by then it was too late. "

" Too late for what ? "

" Samantha died in a car accident a year after Sam was born. " he went on. " A year after that we found out that Sam was sick. " He glanced at her as he heard a soft gasp escape her throat. " He needed a bone marrow transplant. I even sneaked him into Hogwarts once to see Madam Promfey. She said there wasn't even anything she could do for him. If I had actually been his father, I might have been able to help him. I might have been able to save him. But by the time I found out I wasn't, Samantha was gone and I had no idea who his real father might have been. "

" You weren't able to find a donor in time. " she finished quietly.

" No, we weren't. He died a year ago. "

Suddenly her arms were around him. He didn't question her reasoning, he was just grateful for a place to hide his face from her as he buried it in her shoulder. He could feel her trembling in his arms and he held her tighter to stop her from shaking, before realizing it was him that was trembling and her that was trying to stop him.

" Oh, Harry, " she murmured into his shoulder. " I'm so sorry. "

He let himself relax against her. He wanted so badly to tell her that he had never stopped loving her. That the thought of her was what got him through the darkest parts of the last few years. But he didn't. He stifled the words physically by biting the inside of his cheek until the taste of blood hit his tongue. He was determined now. He would not ruin her life again. He would not take away her chance at happiness with Oliver. He didn't want to confuse her or throw her off balance.

He had decided over the years of watching a child he believed was his son, whither and die that he was cursed. Nothing good ever came to him, nothing good ever lasted for him. He thought perhaps it was something left over from Voldermort's spell. Some residual evil that would cause him nothing but suffering for the rest of his life. Somehow, he thought Voldermort had gotten off easier by dying.

A particularly loud clap of thunder boomed outside the window, drawing her attention and causing her to jump in his arms. He covered the back of her head with his large hand, cradling it comfortingly against his shoulder.

" You never told me why you're so terrified of thunderstorms. You aren't afraid of anything I've ever seen, yet something as simple as thunder has you jumping. " he said, trying to change the painful subject as he looked down at her.

" I never told you that story ? " she asked, silently understanding his need to lighten the mood. " Are you sure ? I'm certain I did. "

" You never told me. I would have remembered, I promise. " he assured her.

" Fred and George left me outside in a storm in the middle of nowhere once. They didn't mean to, of course. They were just playing around. They dropped me off in this patch of forest when it started to rain and threaten to leave me there for the animals to eat. Then they forgot where they left me. They couldn't see with the storm and everything. Mum and Dad were so mad at them when they finally brought me home and I told them everything. "

" How old were you ? "

" Four. "

" Wow, you poor thing, I bet you were so scared. " he forced a smile.

" I was, when they finally came for me I was huddled under a tree and they told me it was the worst place I could be in the lightning, which just terrified me more. "

" And now you're scared of thunder. " he no longer had to force the smile. It was coming naturally as he pictured her as a four year old, fuming in anger at her brothers. " I'll bet you were so mad at them. "

" I was. I screamed and yelled at them so loudly all the way home, you'd have thought I was a howler. They begged me not to tell Mum and Dad that they lost me. "

" And you are such a tattletale, you went running for them the second you got home. " he teased.

" I had too. I couldn't gotten hurt, or what if they hadn't been able to find me again. I'd be bear food right now. " she insisted with a smile of her own.

" We don't actually have bears around here. " he informed her.  
" Yeah well, it got them to leave me alone. " Her smile turned smug. " Instead they spent the rest of their childhood alternating between torturing Percy and Ron. It was much more fun to watch than it was to have it happen to me. "

" You were such a prat. "

" I was not. I just did what I had to do to survive. If you had grown up with them you'd understand. "

He wondered off handedly if she had noticed that he was still holding her against him. He didn't dare move, afraid he would break the spell that was somehow keeping her anger at bay. He wanted to indulge himself in the feel of her in his arms for as long as he could. And she seemed content enough as she pulled her legs up behind her and rested more fully against him.

" I've really missed you, Harry. You have no idea how much. " she whispered.

" Yes, I do. Especially if its anywhere near as much as I've missed you. " he told her, his mouth moving against her hair. The smell was driving him crazy as he breathed in deep lung fulls of what he believed was the sweetest aroma he had encountered. " Do you think maybe we can try to be friends again ? " he asked, after a long silence spent listening to the storm and the sound of her breathing.

" I'm willing to try if you are. " she said, quietly into his chest.


	10. Chapter 10

Harry raised his glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose tiredly. Then he took the glasses off completely and laid them on the table in front of him.

" I need a break. Let's stop and get some food. " he suggested to the red head sitting at the desk beside him.

He was in the middle of studying for the written part of his Auror test which he would take in less than a week.

He looked over at his companion and for a moment he thought he was going to protest, but a knock on his door gave him the excuse he was looking for. He gave Ron his best ' saved by the bell' look, then grabbed his glasses, shoving them on before opening the door to find Ginny standing on the other side with an arm load of take out containers.

" I brought Chinese. " she beamed at him, happily. " I figured you could use a breather. "

He guided her inside, after relieving her of several of her bags. " Thank you. I was just telling him I was getting hungry. "

" Well, then I must be able to read your mind. " she answered still smiling. " I was just at Diagon Alley with Mum, looking at flowers for the wedding. I'm so tired. "

She sank exhaustedly into the armchair under the window and started handing out food.

" You shouldn't be distracting him like this. " Ron chided around a mouthful of Chow Mein.

" He has to eat. "

" Yeah, I have to eat. Do you know how much you sound like your wife ? " Harry interjected on his own behalf.

Ron winced around his fork. " I do, don't I ? " Then he grabbed one of the boxes and closed it. " Speaking of my wife. I really should be getting home. She's going to murder me for being gone so long. She can't ever get Rose to bed without a fight. " He raised the container and smiled. " I'm taking this with me. A little gift to appease the angry beast. I hope you don't mind. "

" Help yourself. There is more than Harry and I could ever eat on our own here. " Ginny agreed, readily.

" Well then, " Ron said as he grabbed his coat. " Will you help him study after you eat ? "

She nodded. " Yes, Mione. We will study after we eat. "

" That's funny. Really funny. " he muttered as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Ginny turned to Harry with raised eyebrows. " Has he been like this all day ? "

Harry smiled. " Most of it. He just started being impossible about an hour ago. "

" Well, " she smiled back as she shifted and pulled her legs under her. " I, unlike him, have complete faith in you. I don't think you'll have any problems with the tests at all. "

" I appreciate your confidence in me. Can I take that to mean you aren't going to make me continue studying until my head explodes ? "

" No, I am not. I was thinking maybe we could just relax for a while. I think you need a break. I mean, you know very well he's going to be back tomorrow, straight away, right after work. " she told him.

" Yeah, I know. I really appreciate his help, but you're right, I need a break. He's been killing me for two weeks now. I need a break. "

" So what should we do ? " she asked, sitting up a little straighter.

" I don't know. " He pushed away a carton of food and stood, stretching fully, his hands brushing the ceiling as he did.

" Merlin, you got tall. " she commented whimsically.

He pulled back in and smiled sheepishly. " I guess I did. " Moving to the bed, he flopped down on his stomach and smiled up at her. " Did you find the flowers you wanted ? "

She sighed and shrugged at the same time. " No, Mum is pushing me towards roses."

" You don't like roses ? "

" I like them just fine. They're just so typical. They aren't really me, are they ? "

" No, " He replied. " You are definitely far from typical. "

" I think I'll take that as a compliment. " she smiled wiry.

" Good, so what are you thinking of instead of roses ? "

" I have no idea. I haven't seen anything I like yet. Nothing jumps out at me. "

She got out of the chair and came to the bed, nudging him over to make room for herself, laying beside him and resting her head on his arm.

Harry loved that she was so comfortable with him. Twice now in the last two weeks, she had visited him like this. The first time they had laid together all night, talking and just, well, laying there, being together. Harry hadn't been so happy in years. He couldn't believe how much he had missed her. Laying on his bed, with her at his side, he finally felt peaceful, complete, whole once again. The beast in his chest purred contently as she shifted against him, her leg brushing his in the process.

" Can I make a comment here, without you getting upset ? " he asked, quietly.

" That depends on the comment. " she replied.

" Well, it just seems to me, that you haven't found anything that's jumped out at you yet concerning the wedding. " He shifted this time, so he could look at her face. " I know you and your Mum have been shopping several times now and you haven't found anything you liked, not flowers or cakes, or well, anything. "

She nodded. " I know, I just want everything to be perfect. I swear I'm not just being picky. "

" I wasn't thinking you were being picky. " he answered again quietly. " I was thinking that maybe you were having second thoughts about the whole thing. I know you well enough to know that once you start actually making plans, your mind will be set and there will be no turning back. Do you think maybe by not finding anything you like, you're putting it off somehow ? "

She studied his face and he did the same to her, looking for any sign that he was completely off the mark and had made a mistake in saying anything. But she didn't appear angry. Actually, he couldn't read anything on her face as she looked at him so intently.

" Why do you think I would want to put off the wedding ? " she finally asked, her voice cracking slightly as she did.

" I don't know. You tell me. "

She was silent for so long, he began to get afraid of what she was thinking. " I"m not sure either. It seemed like such a great thing at the time. There was a sunset and a beautiful ring. And I love Oliver. I shouldn't be having second thoughts about this. I know I shouldn't. I feel horrible for not being more excited about it. I want to be overjoyed with anything concerning the wedding. I want to be so excited about it all that I can't stand it. "

Harry brushed a red lock from her shoulder and looked at her expectantly. " But..." he urged.

" Well, " she shrugged her shoulder. " I guess maybe I'm not so sure now. I keep picturing myself married to Oliver for the rest of my life and ... " she let her voice trail off as she paused to collect her thoughts or maybe to gather her courage, Harry wasn't quite sure which. " Honestly it gives me the chills. When I close my eyes and picture the wedding of my dreams, this is just not how I pictured it. I feel like there is something very important missing from my perfect wedding."

" What isn't how you picture it ? Whatever it is that's missing from your perfect picture, I'm sure we can figure out a way to make it happen. " Harry offered.

A smile spread across her face, but it vanished just as quickly as it appeared. " I don't think so, actually. I think maybe this is just something I'm going to have to work out in my mind and learn to live with. "

Harry's eyes darkened. " I don't want you to have to settle for anything. If there is something you need to make you excited about this, I will do whatever I can to give it to you. " And without meaning to, he took a deep breath.

" Harry, just drop it okay. I'll work it out, really. " He heard her tell him, but his mind was spinning out of control in an entirely different direction suddenly.

Her hand was resting over his heart. He was sure she could feel it thumping against her palm. He tried to steady it's wild beating but only managed it make it speed up even more. It was her smell. He chided himself for forgetting his rule for being this close to her. He never allowed himself to breath very deeply. He never let himself linger on the feel of her skin. He never let himself become lulled by the sound of her voice. These were his safeguards. Because he knew without a doubt, if she ever found out exactly what she did to him, how she affected him, this would end. She would no longer be so comfortable laying with him on his bed. She would no longer allow him to hold her in what she thought was an innocent brotherly embrace. She wouldn't let him be close enough to her to feel her hair brush against his cheek.

And he couldn't allow it to end. He knew it wasn't healthy. He knew he shouldn't be feeling the way he felt about her and he hoped in time it would stop. In time, it would become what it was supposed to be, a friendly togetherness. A closeness like she shared with Ron or George. That was what this was suppose to be now.

His breath wasn't suppose to hitch when her bare skin brushed his. His heart wasn't supposed to race out of control because he caught a hint of the aroma that was Ginny. Her voice wasn't supposed to make him feel like he was falling off a cliff, into an abyss of pleasure.

No, he just wasn't suppose to feel like he did. And he tried, Merlin how he tried, not to feel what he did when she was close to him. It was exhausting, constantly examining his every move towards her, constantly trying to control his body's involuntary reactions to her.

" Are you okay ? " she asked suddenly and he guessed that his thoughts were betraying him, written across his face. He tried to let his muscles relax, concentrating on physically relaxing his face into a nondescript expression.

" I'm fine, why ? " he lied.

" You just looked weird all of a sudden. Like you just remembered something important. "

" No, I'm okay. We were talking about the wedding. Tell me what you think is missing. " he urged her again.

" I already told you, I don't want to talk about this. " she repeated herself, looking away from him.

" Come on, Now I know that you know exactly what's missing. Tell me what it is. It'll help. I know you girls picture your wedding all your life. So obviously something important is missing from your dream wedding. " He continued.

She sat up and stood quickly. " I don't want to tell you. " she answered as she began to pace.

He sat up as well and reached out to grab her hand to stop her. " I'm sorry, Gin. I didn't mean to upset you. I just want to help make this perfect for you. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. "

" Guess, maybe, I should be getting home. It's Friday. Oliver is supposed to spend the weekend with me. " she said, pulling her hand from his and giving him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

" Okay. Maybe we can get together for lunch next week some time. " He suggested getting up and coming to her.

" Yeah, that'd be great. And I'll see you for Mum and Dad's anniversary next Friday. "

" Yeah, of course, I wouldn't miss it. I don't want to miss anything like that ever again. " He said, letting his voice off to little more than a whisper.

" Well, yeah, we don't want you miss any of them either. " she smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

" Will Oliver be there next weekend ? " He tried to make it sound as nonchalant as possible,but he feared he failed miserably.

" I don't think so. I know he's trying to get things ready for the O.W.L.S. He's swamped at school. Why? Did you want to see him, cause I can bring him by here, if you do. " she offered.

" No, " he shook his head, nervously. " I was just curious. I know you haven't seen much of each other since you got engaged. "

"Oh. Well,. Like I said, he's been really busy. "

" Yeah. "

Both sets of eyes dropped to the floor and Harry felt himself fidgeting with his glasses nervously.

" Oh, this is so stupid. " Ginny exclaimed suddenly, with an exasperated sigh. " Why can't we do this ? Why does everything have to end up so awkward and weird between us at some point ? "

Harry shook his head. " I don't know. I wish it didn't though. "

Ginny narrowed her eyes and stared at him for a moment. " I think I do know why it always gets like this eventually. And I think you know why, too. "

He swallowed the lump that had suddenly risen in his throat and tried to keep from rubbing his sweating palms against the front of his trousers. " Why do you think it is ? " His voice cracked as he spoke.

" Because when we're together, all either of us can think about is this. " she answered simply before pressing herself into him and pulling his lips down to hers.

He fought her for a moment. But a moment was all he was capable of. Her tongue brushed over his lips and he opened his mouth giving her all the room she wanted to explore. His heart pounded against his ribcage almost painfully and so loudly he was sure she could hear it. Moving his hands, he grasped one in her hair and the other at the small of her back pulling her tighter still, leaving no room for so much as a breath between them.

" I shouldn't have done that. " she said, her breath grazing over the sensitive skin of his throat. He found himself still incapable of letting her go.

" No, you probably shouldn't have, but I can't say I'm sorry you did. "

" I think you should let me go. " she breathed.

He moved reluctantly, realizing she was right. His beast roared in protest as she slipped away from him.

" We have to stop doing this. " she manged, swallowing loudly. " This can't keep happening, Harry. I'm engaged. I love Oliver. "

He dragged his hand through his hair roughly and readjusted his glasses again. " I know. " He began to pace. " I know this has to stop. "

" What are we going to do ? "

The words in his head rolled over and over again and caused his heart to sink further every time they repeated themselves. " Maybe we shouldn't see each other alone for a while. "

" No, " she answered firmly. " That isn't an option. "

His eyes flew to her face. " Why not ? "

" Because, as horrible as this is, as bad as I feel for feeling this way, the thought of losing our friendship makes me feel worse. " she answered with teary eyes.

" I don't want to stop being your friend either, but I can't make myself stop feeling this way. " he replied, impatiently.

" We just need to use our heads. This is just lust, silly left over feelings of lust from years ago. " she said in a steady voice.

He spun towards her and eyed her intently. " Do you think that's what this is ? " he demanded. " You think all I want is to jump you ? "

" What ? " Confusion was evident on her face. " Of course that's all this is. "

" Ginny, " he breathed. " I still love you. I never stopped. "

She stared at him for a long moment without saying a word. He couldn't' tell what she was thinking, her face was so clouded by an emotion he couldn't explain, couldn't define.

Then she turned and left without saying another word.

There was no way he was going to let her just leave like that, not now that she knew the truth. She had to say something to him. He followed after her, yanking the door opened and running into her back as she stood in the hall staring at Oliver.

" Somehow, I just knew when I didn't find you at home, I'd find you here. " Oliver smiled sadly at them before turning and leaving.


	11. Chapter 11

Ginny's eyes moved from the place where Oliver had disappeared down the stairs to Harry, who was standing so close to her she could feel the heat from his body and back again.

Indecision gripped her, holding her in its grasp, keeping her legs from moving. She knew exactly where she should be going, where she needed to go, but she couldn't make herself move. Paralyzed and completely helpless, she stood, stock still in the middle of the corridor with her eyes closed, trying to get control over her stubborn limbs.

" Ginny, " Harry's voice was a whisper across her skin. She turned to him, unable to do anything else.

" Harry, " her lips moved of their own accord, and she savored the feel of his name on her tongue.

" You have to go. " he answered, backing away from her, giving her the distance she needed to enable her to move.

She let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and practically ran down the stairs after Oliver.

She found him outside the bar, leaning against the wall, his face wet with tears that continued to slide down his face.

" It isn't what you think. " she began, stepping to him and placing her hand on his shoulder.

" Yes, it is and the thing that really bothers me is that you don't even realize it. You aren't being malicious or hurtful. You just can't help it. " He wiped the tears from his cheeks. Then his eyes found hers and held them with their intensity. " I knew it. I knew this is how everything would turn out. I knew it on Christmas Eve when you called me and told me he was back. I feel like I've been living on borrowed time since that night. I kept waiting for it happen. Everyday, expecting to get a visit or worse a phone call from you telling me that you were still in love with him, telling me that you were calling off the wedding. "

" But I'm not calling off the wedding, " she interrupted his painful lament.

" Maybe you aren't, but I am. This isn't right for either of us. You deserve to be as happy as you can possibly be and so do I and neither of us is going to find that with each other. You know it. I know it. Even he knows it. " He jerked his head in the direction of the upstairs window where Ginny could almost feel Harry standing, looking down at them.

She moved closer to him, standing within a hair's breath of touching him. " But I don't want to lose you. It's you I want. "

He moved away, distancing himself from her. " How long are you going to continue to lie to yourself about that ? You're with him every spare moment. If you aren't working, you're here. And within a weeks time, he'll even be there at work. "

" You have no reason to doubt how I feel about you. Harry is my friend. He's like a brother to me. I feel like your accusing me of having an affair with him. " she protested.

He shook his head. " I wish it was as easy as that. If you had betrayed me, if you had slept with him, I could hate you and that would be easier. As it is, how can I possibly be mad at you for having feelings you can't help ? " He sighed and looked at her, examining her face. " I know you. I know you have been fighting with yourself since the moment he came back into our lives. You probably feel terrible for feeling the way you do. But I don't want you to feel bad. You can't help who you love. "

She opened her mouth to protest, but he stopped her with a finger to her lips. " Tell me. If you can stand there and honestly say you don't love him, I'll apologize and beg your forgiveness for ever doubting your love for me. Can you do that, Ginny ? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you aren't still completely in love with Harry Potter ? Can you promise me that he isn't always going to be there with us, like a shadow following us our entire lives ? "

She took a step back and fought against a sudden urge she felt to cast her eyes to the window above them. Could she tell him what he wanted to hear ? Could she honestly say that Harry wasn't still in her heart ? How could she when they couldn't even manage to be alone together without finding themselves in each others arms before long ? And he had just told her he loved her. The words still echoed in her head, 'I STILL love you, I never stopped. '

But she couldn't trust him. She couldn't believe that he wouldn't run away again the second things became complicated.

Oliver was stability and security. Harry was none of those things. He wasn't the man she should want.

But she did want him. She always had. Nothing had ever changed. And she was afraid it never would. Harry would always and forever be the man she wanted, the man she loved.

" Well, I guess that answers that question. " Oliver commented ruefully before turning away from her.

She reached out and grabbed his arms to stop him and he turned back to her. " You said you wanted me to be honest with you. Well, give me a chance to figure out how I honestly feel. " she told him as he looked at her questioningly.

" So what now ? You're confused and you want a chance to figure out what's really in your heart or you're afraid he doesn't feel the same about you and you want to keep me as a back up plan ? Which is it ? " he asked, bluntly.

" I just want a chance to figure out what I really want. Honestly, Oliver, I love you. You know that I do. I'm just so unsure about how I feel about him. " she answered.

" One more question, I know I'm making this difficult, but I really need to know exactly why I'm being asked to wait around for you to make a decision. "

She nodded. " I understand. What's the question ? "

" Are you holding me on the line, waiting around to see if he's going to run off again ? " His eyes were dark and turbulent as she watched her face, waiting for her answer.

She didn't reply at first, afraid that truthfully that was exactly what she was doing and knowing all the while how unfair it was to him. " No, " she said finally. " That isn't what I'm doing. I just need a little time to think about everything. "

He stepped close to her again, closing the distance between them and took her in his arms. " I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I can't help it. I have no choice here. I'll wait for you. I'll give you the time you need to figure out what you want. " He hugged her tightly then let her go and stepped away. " As of right now, you can consider us no longer in engaged. The wedding is officially on hold. Do whatever it is you need to do to find out where your head is. I'll be here when you make your decision. "

Ginny was certain in that moment that Oliver Wood was one of the best people she had ever known. Her heart ached at her inability to just tell him she loved him and only him. She wanted to. She wanted to be able to say those words and mean them with everything inside her. But she couldn't and nothing could change that.

She watched as he turned away from her again and continued watching until he disappeared around the corner out of her view.

Then she turned slowly, squared her shoulder and drew in a deep breath, before walking back inside and up the stairs.

Harry was watching. He felt like a sadistic voyeur staring out through his dusty curtains at the couple on the street below. He tried to will himself to leave the window, to turn around and try not to think about what was happening below him. But somehow he felt as if his fate was being decided down there. So he watched.

He watched as they talked back and forth. He watched Wood hug her. Then he watched him walk away and Ginny turn back inside.

His heart pounded in his chest as he waited for her at his door. He held it open, watching down the hall until he saw her coming, her shadow moving across the stairwell like an eerie harbinger with some terrible verdict for his future.

He let his eyes drop to the floor as she approached slowly, her steps holding the same heaviness as her shoulders.

When she was standing in front of him, she didn't say anything. She simply stood there, examining him, like she was sizing him up.

" I'm sorry, Ginny. " he told her for lack of anything better to say at the moment and he regretted his choice of words as soon as she answered him.

" You're sorry ? " she demanded, brushing past him and entering the room.

He closed to the door softly before turning to her and meeting her eyes.

" Is that all you have to say ? You're sorry ? " she fumed. " I had everything worked out. I was happy finally after all these years. I was finally happy. I wanted nothing more than to marry that man and raise fat little children with him and enjoy a horde of fat little grandchildren as well. Then you show back up out of nowhere and you turn everything upside down. Now suddenly I have no idea what the hell I want and it's your fault. "

He watched as she crumbled onto his bed and began to sob into his pillow and he felt as if he might throw up. He had never seen her so upset, never seen her so rawly emotional. She wailed, the sound only muffled by his pillow covering her face, and his chest physically ached at the sound.

He shuffled his feet unsure of what he should do. Should he try to hold her, to comfort her ? Should he leave her alone until she calmed down ?

Finally he couldn't take it any longer and he went to her, wrapping her in his arms and pulling her into his chest. He whispered quiet, meaningless words into her ear as she cried uncontrollably.

When her tears finally subsided into quiet sniffles against his shirt, he loosened his grip on her and looked down into her swollen, puffy, red eyes.

" I hate you. " she whispered so quietly he barely heard her.

" Please don't say that. Tell me anything but that. I'm so sorry, Ginny. What can I do to fix this ? " he begged desperately.

" Tell me how to not love you anymore. " she answered.

His heart flipped as his brain registered her words. She loved him. She said it. He heard her, the words repeating over and over in his head.

In the next instance he was kissing her and there was nothing he could, no power strong enough to stop him. And she apparently felt the same as her tiny hands gripped his shirt, balling her fists into the material hopelessly.

Suddenly, she toppled him backwards, covering his chest with her much smaller body as her hands began to rip at the buttons of his shirt.

He wanted to stop her, the words were right there on the tip of his tongue, but so was the taste of her and it was so much stronger than his resolve. What they were doing wasn't right. He shouldn't be allowed the pleasure of the feeling of her lips brushing across his skin, so hot and hungry, or the feeling of her soft, warm hands exploring his flesh. He didn't deserve to feel this ever again. He wasn't what she needed, what she should want. But there was no way he could make her stop. He wasn't strong enough to fight against the way his entire body ached for her touch.

Then she stopped with her head laying against his chest. Her hair brushed across his nipple and the feeling was almost painful. Her short panting breath pushing her into his stomach and waist was driving him beyond madness. Yet she was just laying there, completely still, unmoving.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, she raised her head and looked at him, as if she were trying to look beyond his eyes and into his soul.

" He is such a good man. " she whispered into the silence. " I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't want this so much it hurts. But I can't make myself stop. "

He raised his hand to her hair, pushing a strand from her cheek. " I know. " was all he could say.

" Then make it stop. Whatever your doing, stop. Because I need it to stop. I can't love you so much. I shouldn't. " There was a begging quality in her voice and it almost made him come undone.

" I can't. " he answered, shifting so that she was suddenly beneath him and he was looking down into her face, a face that looked so vulnerable and needy he almost choked on his own tongue. " I can't make this stop. " He blinked and looked away from her a second before he was on his feet by the bed.

" I wouldn't stop this if I could. " he said, his mind suddenly firmly set on exactly what he wanted. He wanted to be happy. For once in his life, he wanted to be loved and love someone in return. He wanted all the things he had never known before. He wanted it all. He needed her, wanted her. He loved her more than his mere words could ever tell her and needed to find a way to explain to her exactly what she meant to him, what she had always meant to him.

He realized he was pacing as he dragged his hand through his hair and he stopped himself. She was sitting on the side of the bed now watching him cautiously.

" I love you. I have never stopped loving you. " he blurted out as he spun towards her. " You are the only thing I have ever wanted, ever felt like I needed. "

He watched her breath seem to catch in her throat as she continue to stare at him transfixed.

Then he was on his knees in front of her. " I'm sorry I messed up your life so badly. I'm so sorry I didn't come back for you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I felt about you from the very beginning. I've been in love with you for so long, I have no idea how to feel any differently. " He sat back on his heels and raked his hands through his hair again. " Tell me what I need to do to make you happy, because that is all I've ever wanted. If you tell me to, I'll leave and I'll never come back this time. I'll disappear again and you can go on with the life you want with Oliver. It'll kill me, but I'll do it if that's what you need. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. " He noticed his hands were shaking as he raised up again and put them on her shoulders. " But if there is any chance, any chance at all that I could make you happy. Please, Please give me that chance. Because I know I will never be able to be happy without you beside me. If the last eight years has taught me anything, it's that. "

She didn't say anything. She didn't move and it was driving him mad. She was just looking at him, her eyes so intense and volatile it frightened him more than he had ever been frightened. The realization that her next words could either pardon him from the dark loneliness he had imprisoned himself in or condemn him to live the rest of his life there was almost more than he could take. He wanted to shake a response from her. His hands on her shoulders twitched with the need to pull her against him, his body ached with the desire to feel every inch of her, to make him complete once again. He felt so broken, shattered and he knew she was the only one who could fix him, put him back together again. Her love was like the super glue his soul needed to mend. Surely she understood that. Surely she could see how much he needed her.

Finally her eyes brighten and a slow smile spread across her face. " It really is you. " she said so quietly he almost missed it. " I knew you were in there somewhere. " Her hand come up to the side of his face and stroked his cheek softly. " I've missed you so much. "

" Yes, " he nodded. " It really is me, or what's left of me. And I need you, Ginny. I need you to fix me. I've prided myself on never needing anyone or anything. It's how it's always been for me. Ultimately I've always been alone. I have never been able to ask anyone for anything. But I'm asking you now, help me be whole again. "

She crashed into him with a power that almost knocked him backwards, her lips seeking his out of a desperation that was so awesome it was almost physical.

He grabbed at her, clutching her to him in relief that the ache was finally gone, the need to feel her being met.

It was better than anything he had ever felt before and his soul cried out in triumph as she dragged him onto the bed beside her, her tiny body belying a strength he had always known she possessed.

The moments slipped by so quickly and he was powerless to slow them down. As much as he wanted to savor the feel of her in his arms, her body begging him to touch her, the need for her was stronger and it was over far quicker than he would have wished.

But this was what he really needed. It was an odd feeling, laying there, sweat covered and panting for precious air, her body curled against his, her flesh against his, naked skin to naked skin. He was staring at the ceiling trying to figure out what exactly the feeling that consumed him was. It was so foreign to him, so new and undiscovered.

Then he realized and he couldn't keep the smile from his face.

A memory tingled in the back of his mind. He had felt this way before. He could almost remember it, but it was so long ago, it was nothing more than a vague, hazy impression now. But still, he remembered. He was happy, whole and completely and utterly happy.

She shifted and he looked down at her looking back up at him. " Please Harry. You have to promise me something now. I will always be right here beside you, always. You can never doubt that. But you have to tell me the same. Promise me you will never leave me again. "

He kissed her forehead lightly as he smiled down at her, his eyes drawing in every inch of her face. " I promise you. Nothing in the universe will ever make me leave you. I love you and I will never let you go. I will never leave you again. "

And he meant it. If he wasn't sure about anything else in his life, he knew that wherever he went, wherever life took him, he would take her with him. She was, after all, all that really mattered to him.


End file.
